"My Growing Home" Elisabeth Irwin's blog
Today, I’m delighted to share a story with you from Elisabeth Irwin, blogger at www.mygrowinghome.com Elisabeth graciously agreed to share her story with us as a “living story” of “Learning God’s Story of Grace.” My heart connected instantly with this amazing story of God’s grace; I look forward to seeing how it impacts you.
Yesterday, I was struck by a portion of a verse in Revelation. John, speaking about Jesus, says that he “has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father.” (Rev. 1:6). It struck me in a particular way because I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how God made me, and, to be honest, struggling with the fact that he made me different than a lot of the people that I adore and admire.
Recently a dear friend of mine, whom I’ve always had lots in common with, told me that she is pregnant again and has decided to homeschool her children. A wonderful decision with absolutely no implications for me, right? Of course, if I had more faith in God’s unique leading for my life, but in reality, as I thought about her news, my stomach sunk and I started to doubt: “Am I doing the best I can for my children? Is it a bad thing that I’m not ready to have more children yet? Am I lacking in love, or being selfish by giving myself time off with preschool?” It seems ridiculous when I write it out like this, but its a fairly frequent pattern in my heart, this comparing, doubting, fearing.
In striking contrast to my inner turmoil, the Bible says that I am God’s work, designed for a purpose, and living out a unique story that He is writing. My story is personal, and different from the one that He is writing for my friend and her family, which means that I (together with my husband) am accountable to Him alone, not left to decide my own fate in comparison with every person who comes along.
But what is my story? For one thing, I am creative. As a child, I found great joy in drawing, writing, and making things–and then sharing them with others. I was vulnerable, and, in a child-like way, at peace with myself. Around Jr. High, that harmony broke down. I became self-conscious and preoccupied with the need to perform exceptionally, lest I be destroyed by the disapproval of others. I buried my artistic endeavors under pursuits that I sensed were more valuable, like academics and social life. By college, having missed the training and accolades of art classes, I felt that I had lost that part of myself.
But the gospel has changed my story. Because Jesus irrevocably demonstrated my value by his death on the cross, I don’t need to be juried or praised or found faultless to have worth. His righteousness is mine! Moreover, He is at work in my heart, etching the implications of his sacrifice into my soul and slowly liberating me from my idolatry of others’ opinions. And that means not only that I can let my creative spirit out of its cage, but that I can try, fail miserably, and keep going! I can let others see me (loads of others, in fact–you can find my musings at www.mygrowinghome.com) and remain standing because Jesus has covered my shame with his blood.
Looking at my life as a story-in-progress, I can see that my love for things creative is an intentional part of God’s design for me, intended to be resurrected from the rumble of fear and restored for His glory. This means that both acknowledging it and making room in my life to live it out is not only a good thing, but that it could just be be an act of worship.
So where does that leave me as I wince with the pain of comparison and self-doubt? The gift of the cross is freedom: I am free to be the woman that God made me, AND to rejoice with my friend, who is living out unique purposes that God authored for her before the beginning of time. Our gracious Father is crafting a glorious symphony–a kingdom–out of wild diversity.
I pray that one day I will fully embrace this freedom to be completely me. Although for now, my weak and weary heart still clings to comparison and fear, I have hope that Jesus is slowly changing me, and I am thankful.
![Have you ever wondered why it’s called “Good Friday”?
‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ Matthew 27:46
Tear-wiping God,
Many people have asked through the years,
“How can we call it ‘Good Friday’
when it’s the day our Savior died?”
In the same way, grieving friends may ask
if there is anything good in these days,
the days of shootings, sickness, war, and death.
Your answer to why Good Friday is good
is your answer to all who mourn
and to all who hate the brutality of sin and death.
The Good in Good Friday comes from you,
the through-and-through good Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Yes, Jesus was wrongly convicted in a mock trial.
Yes, Jesus was beaten and bloodied by Roman soldiers.
Yes, Jesus was mocked by many who previously praised him.
Yes, Jesus was subjected to the brutal death of crucifixion.
But God. But through it all, you were in control.
Through it all, you were carrying out the plan
that you, the triune God made from the beginning of time.
It was a good plan.
It was the only plan that could finally and forever
restore your people to you.
And in the moment that Jesus cried from the cross,
“It is finished,”
it became a completed plan.
You had won victory over sin and death,
and just three short days later,
the “Son of Righteousness” would rise
with “healing in [his] wings” (Malachi 4:2).
Yes, it’s Friday, but Sunday’s coming.
In the worst of our days on this earth,
may we never forget the great hope of Good Friday.
In Jesus’ victorious name. Amen.
Read Matthew 26:57-65; Matthew 27:1-61.
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