Re-Location and Redemptive Parenting

How do you "re-locate" your children?

Over the last several weeks, I’ve been posting on Parenting Your Child’s Story. Today we talk more about how the story of redemption helps us parent well.
In Learning God’s Story of Grace, we look at redemption from the grid of four “re-s.” Today we’ll think about how two of these “re-s” in view of how they can help us as parents.

1. Re-location: After the fall, God literally relocates Adam and Eve, sending them out of the garden. This is often seen as a punishment for sin, and it is, but it is also an expression of God’s grace. Genesis 3 tells us that God is concerned “lest” they reach out and eat of the Tree of Life – because, if they do, they will remain in the sinful state for ever.
As parents, we often need to “re-locate” our children. This can involve everything from a literal move away from danger to creating limits that guide and protect them. Relocation will feel mean and tyrannical to them, but it should always be an extension of grace from parents. (And of course, this is where it gets hard, because we don’t always know the right limits, and we must ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom.)

2. Re-situation: Redemption in Jesus Christ means our “situation” or “status” is changed. Glory marred in the fall is being restored. God sees us righteous in Christ. At the same time, God calls his children to repent and trust in him rather than the other small gods we turn to for a sense of security and significance.
As parents, we re-situate our children when we remind them of their status, “You are my beloved child; even more (for those who do trust in Christ), you are Christ’s beloved Bride.” Remember who you are and act accordingly. I realize this seems rather vague, so let’s look at a real-life example:
Let’s say a child has snuck out with his friends, and we find out about it from a neighbor who happened to see him (note: this is why my friend taught me to pray “that they would get caught”). We re-locate them by exiling them from the garden of friend-shalom or whatever boundaries we deem gracious. We talk with them about how sin has consequences. One of those consequences is that our trust has been broken. Now here’s the important part – at the same time, we must not hold this incident over their head constantly. If God does not choose to hold our sin before us continuously — “remember what you did in the garden?” – then why would we do so to our children? We have to hold two realities together – they are living under the consequences of their sin, and they are redeemed. We should remind this child (only when they seem to forget): there are consequences to your actions, AND we should remind them all of the time, you are made-right, you are glorious, and I love you.

What about you? How do you see re-location and re-situation working out in your family? Do you struggle to remember your children’s right-ness as often as you remember their wrong-ness?