As soon as I hit send on the “Living Inclusive Stories Newsletter,” my mind wandered back to those eighth grade girls clad in the soft rabbit-fur coats, standing by their lockers, chatting about their ski vacations. I wondered how they might feel if they read what I wrote (This, I hope, is a good sign of thinking “inclusively”). Trying to peer inside their minds and hearts, I realized they might not have really intended to be exclusive. Here are a few possible reasons any of us can fail to include others.
1. We feel awkward and shy ourselves. First of all, they were eighth graders. How many of us toss up a picture of our eighth grade self on “throwback Thursday” without a slight cringe at the memory of struggling to fit in our own skin? As we grow into the well-fitting clothes of Christ-kindness, we pursue others with a warm confidence and welcoming assurance.
2. Community bonds can interfere with welcoming new relationships. Many of these girls had been bonded since birth through their parents’ familial or friendly ties. They had spoken their first words together, performed in the fifth grade play together, and visited family vacation homes together. The dilemma of Christian community is that we enjoy one another deeply, so it can be hard to leave comfortable relationships, even for a few minutes during greeting time, to welcome a stranger, but we must.
3. Sometimes the “outsider” unknowingly raises barriers. That would be me. By my sophomore year, when I had met wonderful friends, one of them informed me that when I first arrived, some girls thought I was a snob. She said, and I quote, “All we knew about you was that you were a good tennis player and you were smart.” And it turns out that those attributes combined with my own shyness and awkwardness, made them think that I was excluding them. It takes courage to approach others, especially when we think they don’t welcome us. But Christ moved into the lives of people who would eventually crucify him because he loved those alienated from him.
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What stories do you have of leaving others out because you felt uncomfortable?
What stories do you have of leaving someone out because you felt comfortable with old friends?
Do you think you as an outsider might have unknowingly given the impression that you didn’t want to be included?
