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Loneliness in the Aging

Loneliness in the Aging

Dear Friends,

Even as I have launched the new online community, the Numbering Your Days Network to offer gospel-centered encouragement and equipping around challenges of aging, caregiving, legacy, grief, and end-of-life, I always encourage in-real-life community as the best community.

The Importance of Visible Community

“Visible community is grace.”[i] As theologian and pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer sat imprisoned by the Nazis during World War II, he penned these poignant words. Face-to-face fellowship is a foretaste of the day when God will “gather us in…for [he] has redeemed us” (Zechariah 10:8-9). As members of the body of Christ, we must see one another, speak to one another, hear one another, and touch one another, because we “belong to one another only through and in Jesus Christ.”[ii] While visible community is essential, it may be harder for the aging to experience. You may have heard that there is an “epidemic of loneliness” in our country, and as with other plagues, this one hits the aging especially hard.

The Problem of Loneliness in the Aging

Spencer Morgan writes about his neighbor and friend, Mr. MacDonald, who strolled over one afternoon when Morgan was playing with his daughter in his front yard. Mr. MacDonald explained that the neighborhood had changed, with longtime friends dying and others moving away to be closer to family or to receive care in assisted living. Mr. MacDonald said he could no longer participate in hobbies he once enjoyed, because his eyesight and hearing were failing.[iii] Mr. MacDonald is not alone. For many seniors, the limitations of old age, like hearing and vision loss, as well as loss of the ability to drive, can lead to loneliness. In addition to these losses, seniors lose spouses and friends to death or to a move, and before they realize what is happening, their world has shrunk.

For the “roughly 43% of Americans 60 and over”[iv] who report loneliness, the impact can be startling: “[In the general population], research has consistently shown that isolation is linked to depression and anxiety. It has also been shown to lead to premature mortality, worsen cardiovascular health, increase inflammation, and disrupt hormones and sleep.”[v]  The effects of loneliness are worse for the aging, and for this reason, experts note that social connection is crucial healthcare: “While access to good health care and nutrition are essential to physical health in older people, social connections may be just as important.”[vi] In fact, Nicholas R. Nicholson, in his “Review of Social Isolation,” observes that “Those frequently attending religious services …have lower mortality rates than those with infrequent attendance.”[vii]

The Hope of the Gospel for Lonely Seniors

The gospel has great news to offer the lonely of all ages. Jesus is the “friend of sinners,” (Matthew 11:19), so no one ever needs to be fully alone. Not only that, the gospel calls us to live in the visible community Bonhoeffer described. Hebrews 10:24-25 exhorts us, “And let us consider together how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Bonhoeffer explains, “But God put his Word into the mouth of human beings so that it may be passed on to others…. God has willed that we should seek and find God’s living Word in the testimony of other Christians.”[viii] Because the “Christ in my heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of other Christians,”[ix] we desperately need to hear our sister in Christ sharing her favorite verse and how it has encouraged her. We desperately need to hear our brother’s confession of irritability and need for prayer. As we remind our dear brother, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1), we too are reminded of the hope we have in Christ. We need to hear the word preached and taught by faithful pastors and ministry leaders.

10 Ways the Church Can Help

Studies have shown that unhappiness and loneliness increase in those who do not regularly attend religious services, and based on Bonhoeffer’s words about visible community, we can probably guess why. Visible community is indeed grace, and it lifts up the lonely heart by bringing the friendship of Christ. If church and companionship is essential to addressing the loneliness of the aging, then our churches must think wisely about how to bring this visible community to our seniors. Here are ten ways to make sure seniors stay connected to the body of Christ:

1.     Urge people to be present in worship.

We can encourage our able seniors to stay active and present in church, and we can model that urgency by staying present ourselves.

2.     Address transportation needs.

We can seek to ensure that every individual who wants to be in worship and other church activities has a way to get there.

3.     Visit.

For those who are unable to leave home or assisted living, we must go to them, visiting and sharing the means of grace.

4.     Call.

When seniors are unable to receive visitors because of illness and potential for infection, we can call, preferably by video.

5.     Write.

We can also write letters, sending Scripture and prayers to those in isolation.

6.     Engage seniors with a sense of purpose.

Remind them that “they still bear fruit in old age” (Psalm 92:14), and invite them to be involved in activities that serve others as their abilities allow: cooking, mentoring, praying, writing letters to prisoners, etc.

7.     Encourage and even sponsor opportunities for vision and hearing tests.

Since limitations on hearing and vision can cause seniors to isolate, we could arrange for local healthcare agents to offer hearing and vision tests at our churches.

8.     Eat with seniors.

Invite seniors to a meal or bring a meal and dine with them at their home or assisted living facility. Because feasting is a biblical act with great significance, eating together is an essential way to deepen fellowship.

9.     Give hugs or hold a hand.

We often forget that seniors who live alone may not experience much physical touch. Not only have studies shown that appropriate physical touch increases a sense of well-being, we are called to show friendly affection as brothers and sisters in Christ: “Greet one another with a holy kiss” (Romans 16:16).

10.  Offer extra support to the recently bereaved.

We are called to care for widows, and doing so means that we will take note of who has recently lost a significant friend or family member and make sure we reach out in many of the ways already listed.

Because God has created the church to be a visible community, we must by the power of the Holy Spirit, think intentionally about the problem of loneliness in the aging. How might you offer the friendship of Jesus today?

If you would like to join the Numbering Your Days Network, a free online community with biblical resources for the issues of aging, caregiving, legacy, and end-of-life, please use this link: https://numberingyourdaysnetwork.mn.co/share/B5q0dGGIOR0f996K?utm_source=manual


[i] Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Life Together and Prayerbook of the Bible: Dietrich Bonhoeffer Works Vol. 5. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2004, 32.

[ii] Bonhoeffer, 32.

[iii] Sepncer Morgan, “Youths, Go Listen to Your Elders,” at https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/08/style/helping-senior-citizens.html.

[iv] Faith Hill, “The Curious Personality of Old Age,” https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/07/old-age-personality-brain-changes-psychology/674668/.

[v] Arthur C. Brooks, “How We Learned to Be Lonely,” at https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/01/loneliness-solitude-pandemic-habit/672631/.

[vi] By Jessica Lahey and Tim Lahey, “How Loneliness Wears on the Body,” at https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/12/loneliness-social-isolation-and-health/418395/.

[vii] Nicholas R. Nicholson, “A Review of Social Isolation,” at https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Nicholas-Nicholson-4/publication/228330427_A_Review_of_Social_Isolation_An_Important_but_Underassessed_Condition_in_Older_Adults/links/647a41fa2cad460a1bee3dd7/A-Review-of-Social-Isolation-An-Important-but-Underassessed-Condition-in-Older-Adults.pdf.

[viii] Bonhoeffer, 32.

[ix] Bonhoeffer, 32.

A Prayer about Grieving an Approaching Death

A Prayer about Grieving an Approaching Death

When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

Psalm 94:19

Everlasting Father,

Your word calls us to “rejoice with those who rejoice 

and weep with those who weep,” 

and today, we weep with those 

who watch and wait powerlessly 

as a loved one’s death day draws near. 

To the chaos of tubes and cords 

and beeps and hums 

of dim hospital rooms, 

we ask that you would bring 

stillness and peace.

To the fear of a loved one dying alone, 

we ask that you would bring 

the hope of Jesus’ welcome.

To the disappointment of a loved one dying 

in a way we would never wish, 

we ask that you would bring 

consolations that comfort.

Even as we raise these requests to you, 

we speak our grief: 

We are weary of sickness and pain.

We are weary of death and mourning. 

We are weary of saying good-bye.

We are weary of weeping.

In our grief, we speak our longing: 

How long oh Lord, 

until you return to give us resurrected bodies, 

whole and healthy?

How long oh Lord, 

until we behold the tree of life, 

with its healing leaves dancing in the wind?

How long oh Lord, 

until we see your face, 

and the night is no more? (See Revelation 22:1-5).

In our grief, 

may we hear your sure and certain promise,

“Behold, I am coming soon” (Revelation 22:7).

Read Psalm 94; Revelation 22. 



A Prayer about Flourishing in Old Age

A Prayer about Flourishing in Old Age

They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green….Psalm 92:14

Everlasting God,

We live in a world that urges us to fight aging, 

We live in a world that promises us eternal youth, 

if we will only apply this wrinkle cream, 

walk 10,000 steps a day, 

and eat kale salad for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

While there’s nothing wrong 

with resisting some of the harsher effects of aging 

by exercising regularly and eating healthily, 

you have promised us something far better. 

Turn our hearts away from a narrow focus

on the physical effects of aging, 

that we might live out the righteousness 

you have imputed to us in Christ. 

For indeed, it is the “righteous 

[who] flourish like the palm tree 

and grow like a cedar in Lebanon” (Psalm 92:12). 

With our faith planted deeply in your Word, 

we will flourish in your eternal courts. 

With our hope firm like the roots of an ancient oak, 

we will “bear fruit in old age,” 

bringing forth new spiritual children 

until the day you call us home to you.

In Jesus’ righteous name. Amen.

Read Psalm 92.



A Prayer about How to Spend Our Last Forty Days

A Prayer about How to Spend Our Last Forty Days

Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.

James 4:14, ESV

Everlasting God,

Forgive us for “boasting in our arrogance” (James: 4:13)

for the ways we fail to thank you 

for all of the good gifts you have given us, 

including each day of our lives 

and all provision for that day. 

May we heed 87-year-old theologian J. I. Packer’s instructions:**

“First, wake each day with the question, 

‘How do you want me to glorify and enjoy you today?’

Second, “Live practicing the presence of God in Christ”

 — yes, Lord, help us to listen to less of this world’s noise 

that we may rest 

in the gentle and lowly presence of our Savior.

Third, finish the course well: 

“Our last sprint should be a sprint indeed.” 

May we not waste our four or forty or four hundred or four thousand days 

on trivialities 

but may we spend each of them 

sharing the good news 

of our hope of glory 

in Jesus Christ 

by setting our affairs in order,  

by encouraging friends, family, strangers, and enemies, 

by forgiving our enemies inexcusable betrayals, 

and by speaking and writing 

the many stories of redemption 

you have written in our lives.

In Jesus’ living and dying and resurrected name. Amen.

**I highly recommend Packer’s little book, Finishing Our Course with Joy: Guidance from God for Engaging with Our Aging



A Prayer about Living like We’re Dying

A Prayer about Living like We’re Dying

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12

Heavenly Father, 

In the novel I just read, 

a professor gives her college English students a short essay question: 

“What would you do if you knew 

you only had forty days left to live?”*

At its core, this is what Psalm 90:12 asks us to do, 

to “number our days,” 

to recognize that our earthly days have a limit, 

that our lives have an expiration date. 

We ask you to teach us, 

to show us how,

to remind us, 

to number our days, 

because when we do so, 

we get “a heart of wisdom.” 

We become 

forgiving, honoring, lamenting,

vulnerable, grateful, humble people, 

people who know the depths of your love for us 

and who can’t wait to share that love with others.

So today we ask you to help us to think or to journal, 

if only for a few minutes, 

about how we would spend our days 

if we only had forty of them left.

Read Psalm 71, Psalm 90; Psalm 92.

*From Book 3 of the Sensible Shoes Series by Sharon Garlough Brown.


A Prayer about Honoring the Aging

A Prayer about Honoring the Aging

The glory of the young is their strength;

the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.

Proverbs 20:29


   Everlasting Father,

In a world that often marginalizes or mocks the elderly, 

transform us into people who honor and value the elderly.

Even as we age, may we see your holy purposes for aging—

some may no longer have the energy to tend to babies all night long, 

but they do wake up in the night, 

and they can pray for those who do.

Some may no longer have the physical agility 

to perform skilled labor, 

but they do have years of experience 

and can teach those who do.

Some may no longer have the responsibilities 

of running a business, 

but they do have the ability and wisdom 

to give good counsel to those who do.

Lord, may we see the opportunities aging affords, 

and may we embrace not only our own aging, 

but the aging of others. 

May we see that you call the elderly 

to continue giving you glory 

by learning and leading every day of their lives. 

In Jesus’ redeeming name. Amen.

Read Proverbs 20:29; Titus 2:2-5; 1 Timothy 5:1 .