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A Prayer about God’s Purposes in Aging

A Prayer about God’s Purposes in Aging

Everlasting Father,

In a world that often marginalizes or mocks the elderly, 

transform us into people who honor and value the elderly.

Even as we age, may we see your holy purposes for aging—

some may no longer have the energy to tend to babies all night long, 

but they do wake up in the night, 

and they can pray for those who do.

Some may no longer have the physical agility 

to perform skilled labor, 

but they do have years of experience 

and can teach those who do.

Some may no longer have the responsibilities 

of running a business, 

but they do have the ability and wisdom 

to give good counsel to those who do.

Lord, may we see the opportunities aging affords, 

and may we embrace not only our own aging, 

but the aging of others. 

May we see that you call the elderly 

to continue giving you glory 

by learning and leading every day of their lives. 

In Jesus’ redeeming name. Amen.

Read Proverbs 20:29; Titus 2:2-5; 1 Timothy 5:1 . 

A Prayer for Those Who Fight Disease

A Prayer for Those Who Fight Disease

Almighty God, 

We lift up friends, family, and strangers,  

any who are fighting Covid, cancer, or other dread diseases.

Bring rest to their bodies 

as they fight off the destructive invaders 

Seeking to do them harm, 

bring clarity to their minds as they face 

a dizzying array of medical procedures 

and medicinal protocols, 

bring hope to their hearts 

as they fend off the despair 

that can envelop us when our bodies languish.

As our friends and family suffer,

bring the soothing of your Spirit 

and the comfort of your faithful presence. 

Draw our eyes to see Jesus, 

the best doctor, 

ministering his merciful healing 

to bodies, minds, hearts, and souls. 

In his healing name. Amen. 

Read Psalm 107:1-21.

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6 Opportunities of Aging

6 Opportunities of Aging

Dear Friends,

How do you feel about aging? What’s your least favorite or most favorite thing about aging? Please share in the comments, or hit reply to this email. Your answers help me know how to serve you better.

Leave a comment

This month, I want to share six opportunities of aging. Read on, and let me know the ones you’re discovering or others I left out. 

Disappearing Eyebrows

“Who are you?! Where is Elizabeth, and what you do with her eyebrows?” So goes a morning conversation I frequently have with my mirror. My fading eyebrows are just one of many daily signs that my body is succumbing to the erosion of aging.

Indeed, aging changes us, and not always for the better. Hair turns gray, hair disappears, hair grows out of our ears. We face new limitations: we can no longer drive at night, live at home alone, or stay up late. We experience startling weakness: we forget our neighbor’s name, we need help carrying a bag of groceries into the house. We endure new levels of loneliness: our loved ones die, our children live far away, we can’t get to church. And perhaps worst of all, our own death hurtles toward us at a frightening pace. When you consider the many losses of aging, it’s little wonder we fend it off fiercely or simply pretend it won’t happen to us.

Read the 6 Opportunities of Aging

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3 Steps to Leaving the Legacy Your Loved Ones Need

3 Steps to Leaving the Legacy Your Loved Ones Need

In this month’s Numbering Our Days column, I’m responding to a question from reader Dr. Penny F., a friend and grief counselor. (Please send me your questions and thoughts. I’d love to consider them for this column). Penny asked, “How should we prepare our children and grandchildren for the end of our lives?” Great question, Penny. I’m glad you asked.

As always, if you’re short on time, skim the bold to find what you need. Please share with others who need it, and be sure to sign up to receive the monthly column in your inbox (Check “Numbering Our Days” on sign up.)

Begin with your own preparation

The answer, as is so often the case, is to begin with ourselves. We prepare our children and grandchildren for the end of our lives by preparing ourselves well. If you’re reading this column, congratulate yourself, because you are already taking the first step to leave a legacy that will richly bless your loved ones in their grief process. 

We need to prepare ourselves spiritually, emotionally, and logistically for crisis or death. Today, I’m going to focus on logistics, because having walked through the death of both of my parents in the past four years, I can assure you that a roadmap is a gift. My mother left a file called “Emergency” in her filing cabinet and told her best friend where to find it. The day she died, he sent me some pictures of documents in the file, beginning with a sheet entitled, “What to do when I die.” 

It may sound morose, but if you’ve ever had to figure out what to do when someone you love has become incapacitated or died, you know what a gift it is to have clear instructions. Today, I’m going to walk you through some of the top logistical aspects that need to be addressed sooner rather than later. 

Beginning in September, I will be offering a 12-week workshop for people who want to create a folder or binder like the one my mom had. This group is only open to a small number of people, and because it is the first time through, it will be offered at a steeply discounted rate. Go here for more info or contact me if you’d like to know more.

Three Big Steps to Preparing the Legacy Your Children Need

Step 1: Prepare with prayer and reflection.

Let’s face it. It’s normal to feel a little sad and fearful as you consider the end of your life. That’s why it’s essential to prepare spiritually before you begin the logistical process.

1. Journal about your feelings as you begin this process. 

How are you feeling about doing this? Hopeful for the peace that will come with completing it? A little nervous or sad to contemplate your death?

2. Strengthen yourself with Scripture.

The following passages may encourage you: Isaiah 65:17-25; Revelation 21:1-5; 1 Corinthians 15:12-58. 

3. Pray.

Name your fears honestly to God. Ask God to encourage your heart, give you patience, and help you through the challenging aspects of the process. 

Step 2: Gather essential information your loved ones will need, put it in a safe place, and let a trusted person know where to find it.

This step will take several weeks to several months, depending on how much time you devote to it weekly. It mainly requires patience and discipline to complete. If you’d like to be part of the workshop to have accountability, structure, and encouragement, contact me. 

1. Prepare an Advance Directive. 

I’ll be honest—I had never given any thought to having an advance directive until I was fifty-five years old and two things happened — first, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and then our twenty-two-year-old son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. As caregiver to both, I heard nurses ask them at each appointment if they had an advance directive. Each time I cringed. I did finally get my dad to make an advance directive, but I never could bring myself to ask our son to prepare one. That year, I prepared my advance directive so that none of my loved ones would ever have to wonder what my wishes were if I became unable to express them. 

An advance directive helps to guide medical care decisions in the case of incapacitation. It allows you to appoint a health care proxy or surrogate and to indicate what kind of treatment you would wish for or decline in medical crisis. My husband and I have used Five Wishes to prepare ours (no affiliation). 

2. Give one trusted person access to all of your important passwords. 

In a day in which our phones hold more valuable information than our homes, it’s essential that at least one person know the password (and if you don’t yet have a password on your phone, now is a good time to add one. If you need help, ask a millennial or check out instructions online).

Additionally, gather all of your essential passwords. While my 83-year-old mother recorded hers in a basic Word document, and that sufficed, most of us will need to use a password keeper like Lastpass or 1Password (no affiliation) to more securely contain all of this information.

Quote from Dr. Kathryn Butler
Quote from Dr. Bill Davis

t3. Appoint a Durable Power of Attorney. 

Appoint someone who will have the legal power to act on your behalf if you are incapacitated. My mother had appointed me as her power of attorney and put my name on her checking account before she died. Thanks to her foresight, paying her bills after her death did not involve jumping through legal hoops. It is often a good idea to make your durable power of attorney and health care surrogate the same person.

4. Make a will and appoint an executor. 

Make a will and appoint someone to be in charge of handling all of your affairs after your death.

5.  Gather essential information. 

Not only will your family benefit if you gather all of the details of your life into one place, you will. Can you imagine the peace of knowing exactly where to locate details about your medical history, personal history, insurance information, titles, credit cards, bills and methods of payment, etc.? 

6. Create a spiritual legacy: stories, values, ideas you want to pass along to the next generation. While I’ve listed this last, this is the gift that your loved ones will likely cherish most for years to come. The other items provide a practical roadmap for the early season following crisis or death, but a spiritual legacy communicates thoughts and stories that will be treasured forever. You can begin creating and sharing your spiritual legacy now. Think about writing a yearly birthday card or Christmas letter in which you share how your loved one has uniquely blessed your life. 

While it’s a good bit of work to gather these items, it’s doable.  I went through the process for the first time in 2017, after my father died. I used the AARP resource, Checklist for My Family (affiliate link), and  made appointments on my calendar to spend forty-five minutes three times a week over a period of several months. Now I am updating my information and using the NOLO resource, Get It Together: Organize Your Records So Your Family Won’t Have To (affiliate link), which is a little newer and more detailed than the AARP resource. I’ve spent about forty-five minutes three days a week, and I’m almost finished after only three weeks. If you’d like the accountability, assistance, encouragement of a workshop for going through this process, sign up today to be part of the beta group for the 12-week workshop that begins in September.

Step 3: Once you’ve begun the process of preparing your materials, discuss it with your adult children and loved ones. 

The best time to discuss your own death and dying is, as we told our kids recently when we had this conversation, when you’re not sick or in crisis. Ideally, choose a time when you’ll all be together. Let them know in advance that you are not expecting to die anytime soon, but even so, you’d like to discuss some things about the end of your life with them so that they will be prepared if there is a crisis. Then, when you gather, give them the password to your phone and password keeper (assuming you feel comfortable with all of them knowing), and tell them where you will keep your binder or files (usually in a safe, for which they will also need the code). 

For Reflection

Have you benefited from someone else leaving you a legacy like the one described? What other preparations would you like to make? What are the challenges? What do you think are the benefits and joys?

Get help organizing your life and legacy!

Starting in September, I will walk alongside you as you gather all the materials you need to prepare a legacy that gives peace to you and your loved ones both now and in the future. Over 12 weeks, we’ll gather online to cheer each other on and to learn tips for organizing your life and legacy.

A Prayer about Numbering Our Days

A Prayer about Numbering Our Days

Eternal and Merciful God,

We believe; help our unbelief.

We believe that Jesus has risen from the dead; 

we believe that he has defeated death. 

We even believe that you are conforming us 

to the image of Christ through the indignities

 of aging and dying. 

But we also live in a world that disbelieves. 

Our world tells us that wrinkles should be fought,

and weakness should be hidden.

Our world tells us we have every right and means 

to maintain our health and vigor forever. 

Our world lies to us, 

but we have often bought the lie.

Open our eyes to see your mercy, grace, and compassion 

for the aging and dying. 

Help us to prepare well and grieve well 

even as we embrace the hope we have 

for life forever with you. 

In Jesus’ dying and risen name. Amen. 

Read Psalm 90.

Hi friends, today in my regular weekly gospel meditation, I’m beginning a new monthly column on issues of aging, dying, and death. If you’d like to find out why Christians can talk about what o one wants to talk about, please check it out. 

A New Series on Aging, Dying, and Death

A New Series on Aging, Dying, and Death

A New Monthly Blog on Aging, Death, and Dying

Hi Friends,

Today begins a new monthly series on aging, dying, and death. Please don’t click away. 

Did you know that the fastest growing age group in America right now is 85 and older, and the “current growth of…65 and over is unprecedented” (PRB.org)? Even if we are not aging, dying, or dead, we need to recognize the inevitable reality. And if we are, especially if we are Christians, there is much to be gained and little to be lost by knowing the hope of the gospel for this season of life. I hope you will walk this journey with me. I hope you will share your stories, your thoughts, your questions, your prayers. Please feel free to email me using the contact form or by commenting below. I promise I will get back to you. 

Why We Don’t Talk about It

I don’t mean to be morbid, but I’m dying. I don’t mean to be offensive, but so are you. Despite a myriad of life-prolonging advances in modern medicine, the mortality rate remains at 100%. If I continue to live, I will get old (something our world may consider worse than dying), and if I don’t, well then, I will die. 

Despite the certainty of death, it seems no one really wants to talk about it. Just last month, I had the privilege of taking part in a well-designed and lovingly-executed conference on The Practical Theology of Death and Dying. (My part was to offer a workshop for caregivers.) At this vibrant church known for its well-attended events designed to help people apply the gospel to daily life, the attendance was, unsurprisingly, lower than usual. 

We don’t really have to wonder why. At some level, it’s obvious. It’s morbid (a word that did not used to carry the negative connotation it now does) to talk about death. In our anti-aging society, the subject has become taboo. We can watch traumatic deaths on cable news or bizarre deaths on crime shows, but we can’t talk about the realities of aging, dying, and death.

Why Christians Can Talk about It

And yet, as Christians, the cultural narrative doesn’t, or shouldn’t, define us. We might well ask why Christians are so reticent to discuss the issues of aging, dying, and death. The Bible doesn’t shy away from talking about death. Christians in previous centuries were intentional about preparing for death: pastors preached sermons on death, and tracts were written to help people with the “art of dying” (ars moriendi). 

In his eloquent liturgy that opens his book Every Moment Holy, Volume II: Death, Grief, and Hope (affiliate link), Douglas McKelvey articulates a warm invitation to speak of death, dying, grief, and hope:

“Children of the Living God,

Let us now speak of dying, 

and let us speak without fear, 

for we have already died with Christ, 

and our lives are not our own. 

Our dying is part of the story 

that God is telling to us, 

and part of the story 

God is telling through us…. 

Death will not have the final word, 

so we need not fear to speak of it. 

Death is not a period that ends a sentence. 

It is but a comma, 

a brief pause before the fuller thought 

unfolds into eternal life.  

Douglas McKelvey, “An Exhortation Making Space to Speak of Dying.”

McKelvey is right—we can talk about death and dying. We can talk about aging. We can face the hard and bitter realities—dying sucks the life out of us and aging subjects us to previously unimagined levels of indignity—because God is telling a story of hope to us and through us as we age and die. Aging and dying, while they can bring new levels of indignity and humiliation, can also bring new levels of surrender and growth, not to mention the perspective and wisdom to bless both the dying and the living. When we not only talk about aging and dying and death but face it intentionally and prepare for it, we can know deeper joy, peace, and hope. 

Next month, we will discuss the benefits of discussing and preparing for aging, dying, and death. For today, I’ll leave you with a few reflection or discussion questions. I’d love to hear your thoughts on these or anything else that comes to mind about these hard topics:

For Reflection:

1. How do you feel about discussing aging, dying, and death?

2. Have you known anyone who prepared well for their death? How did that bless you? Conversely, have you known or observed someone who did not prepare well? How did that affect their loved ones?

For A Prayer about Discussing Aging, Dying, and Death, go here.