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A Prayer about Caring for Aging Parents

A Prayer about Caring for Aging Parents

‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.’

Exodus 20:12

Gracious Father,

We confess, 

we don’t always know what it looks like 

to honor our fathers and mothers as they age, 

particularly as they begin to lose 

strength and cognitive abilities. 

Help us, by your Holy Spirit, 

and guide us by your Word, 

that we may know what good care looks like. 

Give us courage to have conversations 

with our parents today 

so that we might know their values, wishes, and priorities 

if they become weak mentally or physically. 

Remind us that despite mental and physical weakness and frailty, 

our parents are never our children. 

May we advocate for them 

as people with profound dignity and worth, 

because you created them in your image 

and you love them far better than we are able. 

Give us wisdom and insight to know 

what they would want in difficult scenarios 

that seem to have no easy answers: 

should they move to assisted living; 

should they have full-time care; 

would they want us to spend our savings 

on their care, etc.? 

Thank you for sending your Son, 

that in him we might live in faith, hope, and love 

as we care for aging parents. 

Amen.

Read Deuteronomy 5:16; Ephesians 6:1-3; Proverbs 6:20-24.



 

A Prayer about Wisdom for Caregivers

A Prayer about Wisdom for Caregivers

For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 2:6

Wise and Gracious Lord,

Thank you for the wisdom you give 

for all of life’s hard stories and tough decisions. 

Today we think of our caregiving friends, 

who face weighty decisions daily 

concerning their loved ones’ care. 

Which medicine to try, 

how to get their loved one to comply with doctor’s orders, 

whether to take the car keys or not, 

how long to continue trying new treatments….

the list goes on and on. 

We pray for them, 

that they would hear you answering their prayers, 

perhaps in the form of helpful and wise counselors 

who have been there before them 

or in the form of gentle and kind social workers 

who understand the situation. 

We pray that you would deploy us 

as answers to their prayers, 

simply by offering respite 

or picking up mail while they’re at the hospital, 

or performing a simple task 

like walking the dog or delivering a meal. 

We pray that you would show them 

your deep compassion and forgiveness, 

especially if they are feeling a sense of failing their loved ones. 

Lord, in their hard caregiving days, 

may they truly know the rest and kindness of Jesus, 

our constant and caring companion.

Amen.

Read Proverbs 2:6; Psalm 91:1, 16; Isaiah 25:6-8; Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.



A Prayer about Coming Alongside Caregivers

A Prayer about Coming Alongside Caregivers

….four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on the mat, right down in front of Jesus.

Mark 2:4.

Gentle Jesus,

Bring to mind the people we know 

who are acting as caregivers to the sick or disabled in this season. 

They often find themselves 

paralyzed with guilt or grief, 

with confusion and exhaustion. 

Show us how we can be like the four friends to them, 

laying them on the mat 

and breaking through barriers 

to bring them before you. 

May we serve them in practical ways, 

cooking meals and doing yard work, 

helping them navigate the insurance maze, 

staying with their loved one 

so they can make doctor’s appointments 

or go for a walk. 

May we serve them 

by listening to them,

by encouraging them to lament,

and by praying for and with them 

when they can’t find the words to pray. 

Help us, Lord, to have the faith and kindness 

of the paralytic’s mat-friends 

to bring our caregiving friends before you 

to ask you to heal and help them. 

In your caring name. Amen.

Read Mark 2:1-5. 



A Prayer about Clearing the Caregiver Fog

A Prayer about Clearing the Caregiver Fog

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city…. Revelation 22:1

Creator God,

Today we lift up all the caregivers of hospital patients. 

You are with them, 

so you know the fog that sets in 

after days of caring for a patient 

in the hospital. 

It may feel like Pigpen’s cloud 

surrounding the brain, 

making clear thinking dusty

when it seems essential.

In the room dimly lit by fluorescents, 

the walls are two awful shades of beige, 

and before you know it, 

every thought and perspective is colored dingy beige.

Lord into this foggy space,

we ask you to send the radiating light of your Son, 

that the caregiver’s mind and heart 

might be transported 

to the glorious day to come. 

May she see the silvery river of the water of life 

glistening into this dim space. 

May she brighten at the brilliant greens 

and lemon yellows 

of the leaves of the tree 

for the healing of nations (and patients). 

May she imagine the better day, 

the eternal day 

when she and her loved one will taste of all twelve kinds of fruit, 

pomegranates and mangoes and juicy oranges and grapes 

bursting with the joy of it all.

Comfort the caregiver with this true hope, 

the hope of eternal glory.

In Jesus’ restoring name. Amen. 

Read Revelation 22:1-5.



Why Caregivers Need to Care for Themselves

Why Caregivers Need to Care for Themselves

Will You Care for Yourself, Dear Caregiver?

In the lowest point of my caregiving season, my body cried out for help, but I refused to listen. Strands of hair came out in my hands as I washed it. Dark trenches formed under my eyes. Colds came and went like the weather. I skipped regular checkups with my doctor, postponed my colonoscopy, and rescheduled my dental cleaning. In the year our son endured four brain surgeries and my father’s life finally caved to the blows of terminal cancer, my health deteriorated rapidly, and I couldn’t find the energy to care. 

On the other side, years after my dad’s death and the restoration of our son’s health, I see how I endangered my body through my neglect. On the other side of my extreme caregiving season, I am passionate about calling caregivers to care for themselves and urging others to care for caregivers. Caring for oneself as a caregiver is a way to obey the first and second commandments, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength’” and “‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Mark 12:30-31). Dear caregiver, you are your neighbor. Dear caregiver, self-care is not selfish. Self-care is kindness to self and obedience to the call of our Savior, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).  

The Caregiver’s Dire Situation

According to a 2020 study, there are fifty-three million unpaid caregivers in the U.S., and as the Baby Boomers age, that number is only expected to increase. These fifty-three million caregivers face an endless array of daily tasks, ranging from changing diapers or sheets, feeding and bathing, driving to doctor’s appointments, administering IV antibiotics, and fighting insurance battles. Caregiving has been shown to have all the “features of a chronic stress experience.”1 We should not be surprised that caregivers suffer emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical effects, including anxiety, depression, fear, grief, guilt, shame, isolation, spiritual doubts, and poor health. When a caregiver has been living in this situation of extreme stress even for a short period of time, she may become unable to see clearly her desperate need for care. 

Some Reasons Caregivers Might Refuse Care

Not only are caregivers often blind to their need for care, they often believe that their self-sacrifice is warranted by Jesus’ call in Luke 9:23: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Caregivers may believe that sacrificing their emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical health is an act of obedience to Christ’s call to self-denial. And yet, as author Amie Patrick points out, the call to denying self is not a call to deny that we are human, with “physical and emotional needs—and God-ordained limits.” Patrick shares her story of self-denial, “In particularly stressful seasons, I treated needs like sleep, nutrition, exercise, and emotional refreshment as luxuries for which I didn’t have time. It didn’t occur to me that accepting my God-given limits and actively choosing to receive God’s gifts of rest, food, recreation, and solitude are also acts of worship and obedience.”2

Such denial of human needs and limits could also be, as it was to some extent in my case, a refusal to trust God and a commitment to rely on self. As a young child of divorced parents, I learned to be self-reliant and developed a strong leaning toward independence. I was “strong” and “resilient” and proud of it. In my caregiving season, it was partly that lifelong pattern of independence and self-reliance that kept me from caring well for myself. I did not fully understand what the apostle Paul so wisely taught. He explained that the afflictions he experienced happened “that we might not rely on ourselves but on the God who raises the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:9). As caregivers, we have the opportunity to humble ourselves, crying out to God and to others for the help we desperately need. 

The Help the Caregiver Needs 

When the caregiver does acknowledge her human limits and need of care, where should she start?

First and foremost, because of the alarming statistics about the threats to caregiver health and increased mortality rates,3 the caregiver address the needs of her body. Doing so recognizes her body as the “temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Doing so recognizes that to glorify God in our bodies is to be a good steward of our health. Caregivers need the seemingly impossible: good nutrition, adequate rest, regular exercise and checkups with a doctor. Caregivers need to respect their physical limits and not try to lift or move their loved one unless their bodies are strong. And when caregivers need surgery for an injury or a chronic problem, it is crucial not to delay it. To care well for the body is to heed Jesus’ call to come to him and find rest.

Second, the caregiver needs care for spiritual struggles. It is not uncommon for caregivers to struggle with doubts. They may ask questions like, “Why is my loved one suffering so much,” “Is God punishing us,” or “Does God really care?” Even when the caregiver is not struggling with doubt, he may feel disconnected from God because he has been unable to attend church or is so exhausted he doesn’t feel like praying or reading his Bible.  

Third, the caregiver needs care for her mental and emotional struggles. We have learned enough about veterans returning home from war to provide our soldiers with psychological care for the wounds chronic stress has inflicted. If the caregiver can acknowledge that she is living in a war zone, seeing things that might be traumatic to her (her loved one’s pain or wound, for example), fighting daily to get her loved one appropriate care, suffering anxious hours while her loved one undergoes surgery, then she might seek the care she needs for her mental and emotional well-being. 

How Can We Help?

As the caregiver acknowledges her need, we want to be ready to be the hands and feet of Jesus, part of the answer to her prayer. We can grieve with her, crying out to God over the losses she has experienced. We can point her to the biblical laments. We can encourage her to get the surgery she needs or to see someone trained in helping people who struggle with grief, anxiety, and depression. We can offer respite care to allow her time to go to the doctor, get a good night’s sleep, go to church, attend a caregiver’s support group, or see a counselor. We can validate her spiritual struggles and pray for and with her. We can sit with her while her loved one is in surgery, or we can send a meal afterwards. And mostly, we can pray for the caregiver to be able to receive the help we stand ready to give. 

It is not easy for caregivers to ask for and receive the care they need, but it is possible. It will take the faith to trust God that he cares for their person even more than they do. It will take hope to imagine “a vision of redemption in the midst of decay.”4 It will take knowing how deeply Jesus loves her. And it will take the ears to hear our Lord’s call to the caregiver, “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” 

I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you are a caregiver, what has kept you from taking care of yourself? If you know a caregiver, what do you think has prevented a caregiver from caring for herself?

Announcing the Numbering Your Days Network: an Online Community

If you enjoy the articles I post here, you may also enjoy the new Numbering Your Days Network, coming soon. It is an online gospel-centered community that encourages and equips you for the challenges of aging, caregiving, legacy, and end-of-life. To receive an invitation when it goes live on September 5, sign up at this link. 

Caregiver Resources

Https://www.cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/index.htm offers a number of resources to help caregivers, including ideas for respite care.

CICOA offers this weekly checkup for caregivers, along with other helpful resources. 

Who Cares for You? by Marissa Bondurant. An excellent Bible study for caregivers and caregiver support groups. Learn how Jesus cares for you as you care for others. 

Footnotes

1 Richard Schulz and Paula R. Sherwood, “Physical and Mental Health Effects of Family Caregiving,” The American Journal of Nursing 108, no. 9 Suppl (September 2008): 23–27, https://doi.org/10.1097/01.NAJ.0000336406.45248.4c. 

2 Amie Patrick, “Self-Care and Self-Denial,” The Gospel Coalition, https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/self-care-and-self-denial/

3 According to the CDC, 40.7% of caregivers report having two or more chronic diseases. See Https://www.cdc.gov/aging/caregiving/index.htm.

4 Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, Cry of the Soul (Colorado Springs: Navpress), 1994, 155.

 

 

A Prayer about Caring for Those Who Care for Others

A Prayer about Caring for Those Who Care for Others

“casting all your cares on him, because he cares about you” 1 Peter 5:7

Jesus, our Great High Priest,

Today we lift up 

pastors, priests, and ministry leaders 

who care for your people. 

We confess, 

we don’t think often enough 

about how what their days look like, 

these hard days of comforting the broken-hearted, 

of sitting with the doubts and denials of your goodness, 

of bearing the burdens of so very many. 

We don’t think often enough 

about how the devil prowls around like a ravenous beast, 

eager to destroy 

their faith, 

their marriages, 

their children, 

their health, 

their homes. 

Now, as we remember our ministry leaders, 

we lift them up by name [name your ministry leaders], 

praying that they would indeed 

“humble themselves under the mighty hand of God,” 

confessing their own weakness 

confessing their need for your help. 

We ask that they would cast their cares 

and worries 

and fears 

and frustrations 

onto your broad shoulders. 

We pray that they would experience 

your mercy 

and love 

and comfort 

and pleasure 

in this very moment. 

Give them relief, 

and make us the answer 

to some of their prayers.

Lord, bless those 

who bless you 

by blessing us 

with the hope of the gospel.

In your comforting name. Amen.

Read 1 Peter 5:6-8.