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A New Series on Aging, Dying, and Death

by | May 25, 2021 | aging, dying, and death, Caregiving, Death and Resurrection, Numbering Our Days, Weekly Gospel Meditation

A New Series on Aging, Dying, and Death

A New Monthly Blog on Aging, Death, and Dying

Hi Friends,

Today begins a new monthly series on aging, dying, and death. Please don’t click away. 

Did you know that the fastest growing age group in America right now is 85 and older, and the “current growth of…65 and over is unprecedented” (PRB.org)? Even if we are not aging, dying, or dead, we need to recognize the inevitable reality. And if we are, especially if we are Christians, there is much to be gained and little to be lost by knowing the hope of the gospel for this season of life. I hope you will walk this journey with me. I hope you will share your stories, your thoughts, your questions, your prayers. Please feel free to email me using the contact form or by commenting below. I promise I will get back to you. 

Why We Don’t Talk about It

I don’t mean to be morbid, but I’m dying. I don’t mean to be offensive, but so are you. Despite a myriad of life-prolonging advances in modern medicine, the mortality rate remains at 100%. If I continue to live, I will get old (something our world may consider worse than dying), and if I don’t, well then, I will die. 

Despite the certainty of death, it seems no one really wants to talk about it. Just last month, I had the privilege of taking part in a well-designed and lovingly-executed conference on The Practical Theology of Death and Dying. (My part was to offer a workshop for caregivers.) At this vibrant church known for its well-attended events designed to help people apply the gospel to daily life, the attendance was, unsurprisingly, lower than usual. 

We don’t really have to wonder why. At some level, it’s obvious. It’s morbid (a word that did not used to carry the negative connotation it now does) to talk about death. In our anti-aging society, the subject has become taboo. We can watch traumatic deaths on cable news or bizarre deaths on crime shows, but we can’t talk about the realities of aging, dying, and death.

Why Christians Can Talk about It

And yet, as Christians, the cultural narrative doesn’t, or shouldn’t, define us. We might well ask why Christians are so reticent to discuss the issues of aging, dying, and death. The Bible doesn’t shy away from talking about death. Christians in previous centuries were intentional about preparing for death: pastors preached sermons on death, and tracts were written to help people with the “art of dying” (ars moriendi). 

In his eloquent liturgy that opens his book Every Moment Holy, Volume II: Death, Grief, and Hope (affiliate link), Douglas McKelvey articulates a warm invitation to speak of death, dying, grief, and hope:

“Children of the Living God,

Let us now speak of dying, 

and let us speak without fear, 

for we have already died with Christ, 

and our lives are not our own. 

Our dying is part of the story 

that God is telling to us, 

and part of the story 

God is telling through us…. 

Death will not have the final word, 

so we need not fear to speak of it. 

Death is not a period that ends a sentence. 

It is but a comma, 

a brief pause before the fuller thought 

unfolds into eternal life.  

Douglas McKelvey, “An Exhortation Making Space to Speak of Dying.”

McKelvey is right—we can talk about death and dying. We can talk about aging. We can face the hard and bitter realities—dying sucks the life out of us and aging subjects us to previously unimagined levels of indignity—because God is telling a story of hope to us and through us as we age and die. Aging and dying, while they can bring new levels of indignity and humiliation, can also bring new levels of surrender and growth, not to mention the perspective and wisdom to bless both the dying and the living. When we not only talk about aging and dying and death but face it intentionally and prepare for it, we can know deeper joy, peace, and hope. 

Next month, we will discuss the benefits of discussing and preparing for aging, dying, and death. For today, I’ll leave you with a few reflection or discussion questions. I’d love to hear your thoughts on these or anything else that comes to mind about these hard topics:

For Reflection:

1. How do you feel about discussing aging, dying, and death?

2. Have you known anyone who prepared well for their death? How did that bless you? Conversely, have you known or observed someone who did not prepare well? How did that affect their loved ones?

For A Prayer about Discussing Aging, Dying, and Death, go here.

Something Worth Waiting For

by | May 18, 2021 | Caregiving, Suffering, Weekly Gospel Meditation

Something Worth Waiting For

Hi Friends, in this season after a year of so many canceled celebrations, many of us are anticipating graduations and reunions and vacations. But I’m aware that some are still stuck in very painful, anxiety-inducing waits. Wherever this day finds you, I pray this excerpt from The Waiting Room reminds you of the hope we all have in the day that is worth waiting for. 

I will tell of the Lord’s unfailing love. I will praise the Lord for all he has done. I will rejoice in his great goodness to Israel, which he has granted according to his mercy and love. Isaiah 63:7, NLT

After our son’s second brain surgery, a small piece of his skull had become infected, and the neurosurgeon had removed it. Six months later, they would implant a synthetic skull piece to replace the one removed. We were all eager for our son to have this fourth, and hopefully, final surgery.

The day finally arrived for this surgery. When we arrived at pre-op at the appointed time, ten a.m., there was a delay; we were asked to remain in the surgical waiting area. Finally, around noon, our son was taken to pre-op. Forty-five minutes later, my husband and I were invited back to wait with him. An hour went by, then two. We were told that the neurosurgeon was involved in a very complex surgery; we’d have to wait a while longer. As the wait was extended, my restlessness increased, but my husband and our son remained fairly calm. Finally, at six p.m., eight hours after he had been told to report, our son was taken back to surgery. Less than two hours later, the surgery was over, and all was well.

Amy Carmichael, missionary to India, puts words to how I felt in that “longest wait”: “…sometimes we are tempted to discouragement. So often we have believed that what we asked was about to be given, and then have been disappointed. But delays are for the trial of faith, not for its discouragement.” [emphasis added][i]

In the delay, my faith had indeed been tried. I held my tongue, because I did not want to infect our son with my anxiety, but internally, I was fantasizing about running down the hall of pre-op, screaming, “We can’t take this anymore!” I later asked our son, “How did you stand that long wait?” He answered very simply, “I knew they were going to come get me eventually.”

In order to wait well, we must know that the Lord is “going to come get us eventually.” As Isaiah 63:7-9 reminds us, we have every reason to believe in the Lord’s unfailing love. Despite Israel’s repeated disobedience, the Lord has shown them “great goodness,” “which he has granted according to his mercy and love” (Isaiah 63:7). As Isaiah also reminds us, “In all their suffering, he also suffered, and he personally rescued them….” (Isaiah 63:9, NLT).

Indeed, we have every reason to trust. God did not delay in sending Jesus to rescue us from the suffering of our sin. And, though it may seem like a long wait, God does not delay in sending Jesus back for us. When Jesus arrives, we will affirm, as Amy Carmichael so eloquently writes, “‘Lord, this was worth waiting for.’”[ii]

Prayer

Lord, in our longest waits, help us to remember your unfailing love and abundant mercy. May we never forget that you are coming back for us and that the sweet reunion will be worth the wait. Amen.

Further Encouragement

Read Isaiah 63:7-9; Isaiah 65:17-25.

Listen to “It’s Hard to Wait” by Flo Paris at https://youtu.be/HbMsm328cu8.

For Reflection: What delays have you experienced during this journey? What helps you to wait well?

 

 

[i] Amy Carmichael, 258.

[ii] Carmichael, 258.

5 Ways to Address Spiritual Depression

by | Apr 27, 2021 | Caregiving, Gospel Coaching, Suffering

5 Ways to Address Spiritual Depression

Do you ever have those days…weeks…years, when your spiritual blood runs cold, when your deer-panting-thirst has itself seemingly dried up? Or when you’re parched, dying for a drink from God but his springed-up-well seems to be saturating other cracked hearts but not yours?

There’s no such thing as a simple cure for spiritual depression. But you knew that.
There are, however, some practical ways to proceed as you wait in this apparent spiritual-wasteland for the showers of grace to whet your soul again.
(In no certain order…they’re all important!

  1. Remember the stories of believers who have gone before: Elijah hiding in that cave (1 Kings 19),Jonah running from God’s call 2500 miles in the wrong direction (Jonah 1), Jesus agonizing in the Garden (Luke 22:44), sweating blood as he asked his Father to take the cup from him. Satan will try to tell you you’re the only one who has ever doubted, disobeyed, or dried up. Satan is a liar, and Scripture exposes him (Hebrews 10:13).

2. Remember the Word. What simple short lines of the Script can you recall in this season of sorrow?

  • “The Lord is near; do not be anxious for anything…” (Philippians. 4:5-6).
  • “He who is faithful will do it…” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).
  • “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it…” (Phillippians 1:6).
  • “How long, Oh Lord? Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1).

Pin these to your Pinterest board, tape them to your mirror, or tie them onto your forehead like the ancient Jews did, and let the Author move your heart to live in his story.

3. Hang out with people who will remind you of God’s Word and the gospel life.Maybe you can’t remember the Scripture, or what you do remember just seems to accuse.

  1. You need people. Preachers, teachers, friends who remind you of what the gospel is all about: the gracious, merciful, Holy God, sent a completely perfect, righteous Son to save—us—a sinful people, completely unable to save ourselves with any four tricks or five tips.
  2. You need prayer. Scrawl help on the prayer request sheet, text someone who has said they would pray for you—don’t worry about not being able to verbalize your request – the Spirit knows.
  3. You need to hear the stories…of other people’s struggles and doubt and pain, of other people’s redemption and rescue, to see how our odd God has worked before in his own apparently ridiculous timing in his own bizarre methods (a talking donkey, for example).
  4. You need to tell your story. Even when all you can really say is “I don’t think I have a story right now,” or, “I sure as heck don’t understand the story God is writing right now.”

4. Remember God tells his story through general revelation. It may be a lone sunflower surprise sprouting from dried red clay (as God once showed me) or an ungainly-looking pelican flapping its wings. Or possibly the impossible happens and the consignment store has a sparkling NWT designer dress that’s just right for your daughter’s wedding. Look. Listen. God is showing and speaking his might and mercy in every nook and cranny of his universe.

5. Remember that seasons of spiritual depression are often connected to the broken stories that are the fallout of the fall. Sometimes what you’re experiencing is interconnected with physiological depression, anxiety or stress. And God has well-equipped particular people—counselors, physicians, coaches, and others to hear our stories and offer the help that will prepare us to receive the hope of the gospel.

A Prayer for Spiritual Depression

God our Creator,

You formed us and knew us even before we were in our mother’s womb. You, better than any counselor, understand our emotional and mental struggles. When we struggle to put one foot in front of the other in a spiritual desert, help us to know that we can simply cry out, “Help,” and you will answer us. You have given us true stories of real people who struggled as we have. Thank you. You have given us your Word that you will make all things new. Thank you. You give us reminders of your mercy in our everyday lives. Thank you. In Jesus’ loving name we pray, Amen.

A Prayer about Grieving with Hope

by | Apr 23, 2021 | Caregiving, Daily Prayer, Suffering

A Prayer about Grieving with Hope

Comforting God,

How kind your Word is—

you know that we will grieve when we lose loved ones, 

and you don’t tell us not to grieve.

and yet, you remind us 

that Jesus gives us every reason to hope for a brighter day 

even as we grieve. 

For we know that our loved ones lost to death 

are now with you if they trusted in you in this life. 

You told the thief on the cross, 

“Today, you will be with me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43). 

Yes, much about death and resurrection remains a mystery, 

but this much we know: 

one day, all who trust in Christ will be with you forever, 

bodies and souls fully restored. 

Oh, Lord, how we look forward to that day.

Read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18.

Friends, I’m excited to be offering a workshop for caregivers as a part of an event considering the “Practical Theology of Death and Dying” to be held at First Presbyterian Church, Jackson, MS April 23-24. For more details, visit: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/fpc-evening-of-life-event-tickets-150820763965.

Get free printable prayer worksheet and cards

Send them now!

A Prayer for When We’re Afraid

by | Apr 22, 2021 | Caregiving, Daily Prayer, Suffering

A Prayer for When We’re Afraid

Faithful Lord,

Thank you for your compassion for our fearfulness.

Today, we bring our fears to you:

When we are afraid

that we will fail at work, at school, as caregivers

[name any failures you fear],

we put our trust in you.

When we are afraid

that we have made the wrong decisions

for our children, for our loved ones, about our business, in our lives

[name any wrong decisions you fear],

we put our trust in you.

When we are afraid

that our health or the health of a loved one

will not improve

[name any health fears you have],

we put our trust in you.

When we are afraid

that we will lose our job or won’t find one soon

[name any fears about provision you have],

we put our trust in you.

Father, you know all of our fears,

and you invite us to bring them to you.

As we do so, calm our hearts and minds

in the sure hope of your kind provision. 

In Jesus’ trustworthy name. Amen.

Read Psalm 56:1-13.

Friends, I’m excited to be offering a workshop for caregivers as a part of an event considering the “Practical Theology of Death and Dying” to be held at First Presbyterian Church, Jackson, MS April 23-24. For more details, visit: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/fpc-evening-of-life-event-tickets-150820763965.

Get free printable prayer worksheet and cards

Send them now!

A Prayer about Bearing One Another’s Burdens

by | Apr 21, 2021 | Caregiving, Church, Daily Prayer

A Prayer about Bearing One Another’s Burdens

Merciful God,

How exquisitely you have designed your church, 

the body of Christ. 

You have called us to share our weakness

with you and with one another, 

and you tell us that in that weakness 

we find our greatest strength

—strength in dependence on Christ, 

strength in dependence on one another (2 Corinthians 12:8-10). 

Today, I pray especially for those in our body who are weak—

the bereft grieving the loss of a loved one, 

the caregiver serving a loved one through many hard days, 

the sick and frail struggling with illness, whether physical or mental….

[Name some weak people you would like to pray for….]

May we truly lift them up, not only in prayer but in service,

by bearing their burdens—

listening without trying to fix,

bringing meals or mowing lawns,

forgiving their irritability…

[Name some ways you might bear the burdens of someone who is weak….]

We pray too, that you would empower the weak 

with the humility and grace required 

to receive the loving care of the body of Christ. 

In Jesus’ burden-bearing name. Amen. 

Read Galatians 6:1-10.

Friends, I’m excited to be offering a workshop for caregivers as a part of an event considering the “Practical Theology of Death and Dying” to be held at First Presbyterian Church, Jackson, MS April 23-24. For more details, visit: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/fpc-evening-of-life-event-tickets-150820763965.

Get free printable prayer worksheet and cards

Send them now!