by Elizabeth | Oct 31, 2011 | Learning Story
How do you "re-locate" your children?
Over the last several weeks, I’ve been posting on Parenting Your Child’s Story. Today we talk more about how the story of redemption helps us parent well.
In Learning God’s Story of Grace, we look at redemption from the grid of four “re-s.” Today we’ll think about how two of these “re-s” in view of how they can help us as parents.
1. Re-location: After the fall, God literally relocates Adam and Eve, sending them out of the garden. This is often seen as a punishment for sin, and it is, but it is also an expression of God’s grace. Genesis 3 tells us that God is concerned “lest” they reach out and eat of the Tree of Life – because, if they do, they will remain in the sinful state for ever.
As parents, we often need to “re-locate” our children. This can involve everything from a literal move away from danger to creating limits that guide and protect them. Relocation will feel mean and tyrannical to them, but it should always be an extension of grace from parents. (And of course, this is where it gets hard, because we don’t always know the right limits, and we must ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom.)
2. Re-situation: Redemption in Jesus Christ means our “situation” or “status” is changed. Glory marred in the fall is being restored. God sees us righteous in Christ. At the same time, God calls his children to repent and trust in him rather than the other small gods we turn to for a sense of security and significance.
As parents, we re-situate our children when we remind them of their status, “You are my beloved child; even more (for those who do trust in Christ), you are Christ’s beloved Bride.” Remember who you are and act accordingly. I realize this seems rather vague, so let’s look at a real-life example:
Let’s say a child has snuck out with his friends, and we find out about it from a neighbor who happened to see him (note: this is why my friend taught me to pray “that they would get caught”). We re-locate them by exiling them from the garden of friend-shalom or whatever boundaries we deem gracious. We talk with them about how sin has consequences. One of those consequences is that our trust has been broken. Now here’s the important part – at the same time, we must not hold this incident over their head constantly. If God does not choose to hold our sin before us continuously — “remember what you did in the garden?” – then why would we do so to our children? We have to hold two realities together – they are living under the consequences of their sin, and they are redeemed. We should remind this child (only when they seem to forget): there are consequences to your actions, AND we should remind them all of the time, you are made-right, you are glorious, and I love you.
What about you? How do you see re-location and re-situation working out in your family? Do you struggle to remember your children’s right-ness as often as you remember their wrong-ness?
by Elizabeth | Oct 26, 2011 | Learning Story
Yesterday, I mentioned I was preparing notes on the “Consummation: Shalom Fully Restored” chapter of Learning God’s Story of Grace. I don’t want to blow the ending of the Bible if you haven’t read it, but I’ll give you a hint – it’s really good. Read it for yourself in Revelation 21 and 22. In short, it is the hope of the new heavens and new earth that has sustained many of us through the sorrow that has rolled like sea billows this week.
After posting Piper’s remarks on healing yesterday, I received news that broke our church family’s heart. A beloved 20-year-old had not woken up that morning. Another son has died. (The second time in 5 weeks our youngest son has heard this news about someone dear to him). This morning, I read the comments on Facebook. Hundreds of messages full of sorrow, kindness, love, and hope are recorded there. The mom and dad are the same tender and wise Sunday School teachers who grieved so beautifully with our son just weeks ago as he and his friends mourned the inexplicable death of their young 16-year-old friend. Their generous responses to the comments taught me a lesson in good grief:
The mom speaks for many moms,“On Christ the solid Rock I stand! Sometimes there are just no words, just HIM! Our love to all of you during this difficult time! Thank you for your prayers! We feel God’s strength!” Words are scarce; the Rock is solid.
The dad brings it home with his thoughts, “We lost a son, a brother and a best friend today. (Our son) was a person so full of smiles, wit and sincerity in every emotion he ever felt, right or wrong. He will be missed in a way that we may not yet completely understand. There is a vacuum in my heart right now, BUT…there is nothing trite about God’s divine plan; nothing old fashioned about leaning “on the promises”. We are mourning and grieving at our loss, but faithful in our Lord and a mighty reunion that we will celebrate. [Son], I can’t wait to run and laugh with you again.”
‘There is nothing trite about God’s divine plan; nothing old fashioned about leaning ‘on the promises.’ INDEED. We do not grieve as those who have no hope (I Thess. 4:13). Rather, we grieve as those who look to the day when God will wipe every tear from every eye. In that day, “There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Rev. 21:4)
Prayer: Thank you, Lord, that you teach us in our inmost beings how to be well even when the sorrows flow seemingly unceasingly. Help us to remember your kindness, faithfulness, and gospel grace in every hard moment of the coming days, weeks, and months. Thank you that while we may forget, you never will. Thank you for the hope we have in heaven, and may those who have no such hope come to see the power of your love to bring peace. In the name of your precious Son, Jesus we pray. Amen
by Elizabeth | Oct 25, 2011 | Learning Story
This morning, I come to work with a heavy, praying heart. Two people who are loved by my loved ones are this very moment undergoing surgery for life-threatening brain tumors. Another friend is recovering from extensive knee surgery. My morning’s work takes me to preparing notes on the Consummation for our Learning God’s Story Bible study, and as I study, I thank God for his unfailing kindness to all of us who struggle with suffering and sin in these sometimes sorrowful days. I thank him that the story is true: one day Christ will return, and there will be no more sorrow, sickness, suffering, or sin.
This from John Piper was an encouragement to me; perhaps it will be to you as well.
If God is going to heal us in the end, why doesn’t he just do it now?
That seems to be part of the larger question of why there is a history of redemption at all. Why didn’t God just kill off Adam and Eve after they fell and start over again with a redeemed humanity with no millennia-long struggle with sin and corruption? Why didn’t he do it that way? He could have!
He is going to snap his fingers one day and extinguish all evil on this earth. He’ll snap his finger and make us holy that day too. And if he can do it someday he can do it now. So why this long, drawn-out battle with sin and disease?
I believe that there are things that God wants to reveal—about the nature, depth, and depravity of sin, and about his own patience, love, and wisdom—that are better displayed by a long history of redemption and a lifetime of struggling out of sin and towards holiness. These things are better displayed through time than if he had simply, in an instant, taken all of my sin away and made me holy the day I got converted, or taken all of redemptive history away and made mankind holy one hour after Adam and Eve fell.
God plans that there be a long history of redemption and a long battle in every individual’s life, because in that battle certain elements of his glory, patience, wisdom, love, kindness, wrath, and justice are displayed in ways they would not be displayed if he redeemed things instantaneously.
To read the entire article, visit The Gospel Coalition website.
by Elizabeth | Oct 22, 2011 | Learning Story
The forsaken bag awaited me at the top of the stairs when I returned home.
I am busy scheduling 2012. One of the things I love about my work is how every conference is a story unto itself – the precise people put in the exact place in a singular moment in time. Small world meetings and falling-scale moments conjoin to reveal the outer limits of God’s limitless story of grace. We laugh and we weep as we soak in the cleansing downpour of his remembered love. People experience really good stories and sometimes, “this-will-make-a-really-good-story-one-day-stories.”
Last month in Birmingham, the ‘t-w-m-a-r-g-s-o-d’ moment arrived early, and thankfully, the one-day came swiftly. Let me explain by telling the story. The compassionate women of OMPC had assigned me a “body-guard” of sorts, a strong hostess who would literally carry my burdens, since I was still recovering from recent rotator cuff surgery. We arrived at her house, and she came to my car to help with my bags. I pulled my briefcase out of the front, and then went round to the rear to find my overnight bag. There in the hatch were boxes of books and a jacket. I knew right then I would not find my bag there. I flashbacked to the wonderful conversation I had had with one of my children while I loaded my car, and I guessed (correctly) I had forgotten to put it in. AWK-WARD.
Or not. The sweetness of the story did not escape me. Not long ago, I would have felt pretty intense shame over not having my “stuff,” but on this occasion, it just seemed like another opportunity to enjoy the community that is the essence of a Living Story conference. My hostess shared some basics with me (yes, she did have a new toothbrush:)!), and I was well-provided-for. Not only did I not feel shame, I was eager to share my funny story of God’s grace meeting my foibles with my new friends. They laughed with me, and I believe we would all say that one of the major points of the conference, the freedom to be real because of the gospel, came across loud and clear. As you plan for 2012, consider a Living Story conference, and if you do, expect at least two things: growth in humility and gratitude for redemption.
by Elizabeth | Oct 21, 2011 | Learning Story
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm, therefore and submit no more to a yoke of slavery.” Gal. 5:1
In the ongoing series on a metanarrative that will sustain us as parents, we are at the really good part – redemption. Redemption is the noun for the verb “redeemed.” God redeemed his people Israel from slavery in Egypt; Christ redeems his people from slavery to sin. At the same time, God redeems the broken world through Christ and in some very strange way, through Christ in his followers. Can you see how this changes the focus of our days? Today, the first of several:
1. It saves us from saving. Let’s face it, as parents, we mostly feel incompetent (okay, maybe not you, maybe that’s just me and a lot of my friends who have told me this.) A good 2/3 of the time (maybe I shouldn’t let my kids know this), I don’t really know for certain what course to take. The reality of my broken heart is that I do want them to be happy and for life to be easy. So when it’s not, my first instinct is to rescue and redeem. I want to be their Savior. Even people who don’t believe in Christ the Savior know it’s not a good idea to ‘save’ our children from all unhappiness. The reality is that the work of saving our children is slavery for us. We will exhaust ourselves trying. Christ is the only one who can bring them true and lasting happiness, and that may not look like our picture of it or theirs.
The good news of redemption for me as a mom is that Christ is making me more like him every day, and in that transformation I am more able to wait and trust him with the things I long to control –like my children’s lives. I need to be saved from my saving, among many other things.
Stay tuned for more on how the Story of Redemption in Christ radically transforms our parenting and our children.
by Elizabeth | Oct 18, 2011 | Learning Story
Learning Your Story as an Ambassador of Reconciliation.
Today, I interrupt the Parenting Your Child’s Story to bring you this on redemption, reconciliation and forgiveness. I’m preparing this week’s Learning God’s Story of Grace lesson for Chapter 5, Redemption, and found this topic too important not to share.
We have heard “forgive and forget” for so long, but that is not really the gospel. When we say forget, we really usually mean minimizing – saying it wasn’t that big of a deal. But when we know that God created us in his image, the harm of a human being becomes about marring glory. We must name the wrecking of shalom to see how large God’s grace in Jesus Christ really is. Listen to this wonderful excerpt from an excellent article on the topic by Jonathan Dodson:
It’s Better to Forgive than Forget by Jonathan Dodson
Contrary to the popular saying, the gospel does not call us to “forgive and forget.” Forgiving and forgetting, is code for cheap sorry’s and faking a bad memory. The reality is that sin is really hard to forget, especially when you are sinned against. Funny, you’d think our sins against others would be more memorable! All too often, when I sin against my wife, resolve to be more sensitive and kind-hearted, I end up forgetting how I offended her and repeat the offense a few weeks later! Why? Because I forgot! True forgiveness stands taller in the presence of sin. Grace shines brighter in the darkness of offense. But don’t misread me here. We should neither minimize not maximize sin, throw out cheap sorry’s or berate one another with our memories. However, without the memory of sin, there is no need for forgiveness. The trick is to remember our sins, not other’s sins!
