Writing to Heal 2: How the Story Turns

by | Oct 27, 2015 | Learning Story, Writing

Writing to Heal 2: How the Story Turns

Tuesday I told the first part of a “story of humiliation.” Here, the story continues, and I show you how it changed.

Shame, Fear, and the Desire to Disappear

Now I felt really stupid. I know the better word for my feeling was “shame,” but “stupid” reverberated. Being the wordophile I am, I began mentally rehearsing all the words or phrases that described my desire to disappear…I wanted to… “vanish from the face of the earth,” “sink through the floor,” “shrink away to nothing….”

I fought back the tears I had not really had a chance to weep about my father’s cancer, and I truly feared I might have to run to keep from vomiting my sadness right there on the table in front of these women who (I felt) didn’t want to know me.

Time slowed down. Have you ever had this happen? I’m guessing my season of hot shame and fear lasted maybe – 5-7 minutes?? Maybe less. But it felt like being in a movie played in half-time.

A Way Out

Eventually. Somehow. I really can’t remember, I entered the conversation of the women on my left, who were quite welcoming and friendly once they realized I was alone. As we conversed, I occasionally felt remainders of shame lingering on my skin, like thinking you’ve cleaned a mess up but missed some spots.

BUT/AND… I was able to enjoy these delightful women, who all happened to be in a similar age and stage of life as me – which was cool, because we were definitely in the minority:-)!

Here’s the good news: those 5 awful minutes did not kill the whole weekend. In days past, it could have. I could have just hunkered down in shame, crawled inside myself, either metaphorically, or literally, remaining in my room much of the time.

Instead, I continued to reach out and risk introducing myself. In the six meals remaining, I met wild and wonderful women writing for the sake of glory in vastly different arenas – single moms, moms of four little ones, a musician with my same last name (which is rare!), even a woman whose father-in-law had received the same diagnosis as my dad.

  1. Writing to heal.
    I’ve spent long seasons writing and processing deeper stories of shame in my life with good counselors, coaches, and community. This story work has helped me know how to name what is happening DURING such a story, to identify how I’m feeling, and to pray in the moment.
  1. Sharing in safe community.
    I’ve learned — isolation is death. I mentioned I had asked friends and family to pray specifically for me about meeting people.

After the meal, I checked my phone (yes, that would have been an easy default during the terrible moments, but I didn’t go there ;-). My youngest son had texted me, asking how it was going. I responded with a short paragraph describing the “middle school cafeteria experience.” His brief response wrapped kind words around the hurting place in my heart:

“I’m so sorry, Mom. That’s the worst. I know how that feels.”

“I know how that feels.” Empathy. The word breaks down like this:

em – in

path – pathos – feeling or suffering.

We desperately need others to feel with us.

I’ll be honest. After I posted Part 1 of this story yesterday, I struggled with doubts…will this be misread? Will people think I’m playing the victim? Will people think I’m overthinking this?

But through the day, tweets, texts, and emails came in that affirmed – many of you needed to hear this story – to know you’re not alone. And you let me know I was not alone. Empathy.

  1. Writing the story to wrestle with God over it. 

I didn’t have long writing time at the conference, but I took 15 minutes that night and the following day.

I wrote my story as a prayer to God.

Expressing my pain… “Ouch. That hurt. Where were you?” (Even as I sat at the table that night, the Holy Spirit brought to mind these words…”He was despised and rejected…” When we struggle with shame, it is good to know that the one who experienced the deepest shame is right there with us! Right? Isn’t that amazing?!!

Asking God to search me and reveal my heart (Ps. 51)…

What sin might I have brought to the table – or left with?

I recognized the danger that I would judge the women who seemingly snubbed me. It would have been easy to go to self-righteousness, to say, “I would NEVER do that to someone.” But then I had to ask, “But have I done that?” and know the answer is probably “yes.”

  1. Living in uncertainty. Settling in some certainty. In many ways, the story is still confusing. I have omitted some of the subtext that made the story even stranger. It’s not time to share that part of the story widely, and perhaps it never will be.

Asking, seeking, knocking about the uncertainty… “God, it seems like your answer to prayers was sort of the exact opposite of what I prayed. What’s up with that?” I still don’t know for sure, but I have some ideas.

Settling in some certainty…There are things I know to be true – because the Bible tells me so.

We follow a trustworthy God. He is working in all stories to bring about his redemption – in the world, in his people, in our circumstances.

I remember this certainty, my favorite verse, which fills me with great hope.

Dear friends, we are already children of God. But he has not yet shown us what we will be like when he appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is.” 1 John 3:2

Would you like to write a hard story? Make sure you are a “Blog Subscriber,” and tomorrow you will receive a free guide to working through a hard story.

Writing to Heal: A Story

by | Oct 27, 2015 | Learning Story, Writing

Writing to Heal: A Story

The Story Begins

This past week, I had the great pleasure of gathering with around 400 other women bloggers at the Allume conference. When asked what I blog about, I said something like this:

The Living Story blog helps people learn how God has written his story of grace into the cosmos and into our lives and helps them live in that story.

Why Write Hard Stories

Today, I’m going to share a hard story, a story of feeling humiliated.
Here’s what I don’t want to happen with this:

  • for you to feel sorry for me.
  • for you to make judgments about anyone.

Here’s what I hope will happen:

  • that you will write for at least fifteen minutes over 3 days about one of your own hard stories.
  • That you will ask, pray, wonder aloud or in writing to God what He was up to in those stories.

Here’s why:

  • Scientific research has shown that writing stories helps us heal.
  • It is a gospel reality that God redeems EVERYTHING (Genesis 50: 20).
  • When we write our stories as a way of processing them with God, the Holy Spirit shows us more about God — his glory, holiness, love, and power. The Spirit also shows us more about ourselves – our glory in his image, our sin, and Christ’s redemption.

With that background, here is Part 1. (This is going to be like one of those serial short stories in the newspapers of old — but don’t worry, you’ll get the next installment within two days! (Make sure you’ve subscribed to the blog if you want to receive it in your inbox!).

An Introvert at a Blogger’s Conference: A Story of Shame and Redemption

It had been a rough two weeks, the kind of weeks that you have to remind yourself will make a really good story one day, except in some ways, receiving a dread diagnosis about your Dad’s cancer doesn’t at first seem like it will ever be a really good story one day. But healthcare was done for the week, so I decided to head on to the Allume conference, which I had signed up for months ago.

Introversion

To understand this story, you have to know I’m an introvert. It’s surprising to some, especially since I’m a leader and a teacher. Plus, I really enjoy meeting new people and getting to know their stories.

But I can only do so much before I’m drained. I draw energy from being alone or in a small group of close friends. I am easily over stimulated by lots of noise and activity. So conferences can be challenging, especially when I don’t know anyone there.

That was the case at the Allume conference, so I asked some friends and family to pray particularly for me to be bold and outgoing.

Walking into the Unfamiliar

After a 7-hour drive and a stop at Whole Foods, I made it to the hotel, schlepped my stuff to my room, and spent some time looking through the plentiful swag bag. At 5 till 6, I headed downstairs, where to reach the main ballroom, I had to make my way through a hallway crowded with chattering women and tables spilling over with brightly colored jewels, hundreds of books, shoes, clothes and other merch. (This would be my friend Marcia’s dream scene, but you might guess it was a little daunting for me:-)!)

The expansive main ballroom was filled with lovingly decorated round tables for nine. Taking a deep breath and asking God one more time to help me, I entered, searching for a spot.

My strategy was to find a person or people who looked like they might be “strangers,” “outsiders,” or at the very least, different from me. One thing I have learned about my introversion is that I’m not alone, and reaching out to others helps me get over my own self-consciousness.

Awkwardness, Isolation, and Shame

I spotted a table where four women were already seated and asked if I could join them. One woman looked at me and nodded non-committedly, but quickly turned back to talk with her friend. The woman seated on my right rose as I sat, leaving to talk to a long-lost friend. The fourth woman was far across the table from me and blocked by a centerpiece. So there I was. Just sitting there with my food, feeling …extremely…awkward.

A few minutes later, three other women joined the table, leaving the spot to my left open (I think they assumed I might have a friend joining me). They turned inward toward one another, continuing a lively conversation.

Because this is a blog, I’m going to share a diagram with you of what the table looked like, but I’m going to try to describe in words what I felt like.Diagram of round table

I sat in the middle of a large table, with women all around me. The seats on either side of me were empty. Three women to my right were talking earnestly to one another, and three women to my left were chatting away happily.

I keenly felt my aloneness – literally isolated in a teeming sea of fellow women. But I was still hopeful – I figured eventually someone would sit next to me on the left, and the woman on my right would return, so this awful moment wouldn’t last forever.

In fact, the woman to my right did return, but she scooched her chair closer to her friends, distancing herself from me. And when a woman came to sit on my left, it was clear she actually wanted to sit in my place, next to her friend on my right.

Thunk! That was the sound of my heart landing in my stomach.

Now I felt really stupid.

And yes, I’m breaking the story here, because statistics (which I learned at the fabulous conference!) tell me that 900 words is more than most people will read, and we are a little past that. Stay tuned till tomorrow for the “rest of the story,” and some more help writing your stories. Be sure to subscribe if you haven’t already!

The Message 100: A True Story Bible

by | Oct 27, 2015 | Books, Learning Story, Scripture

The Message 100: A True Story Bible

Eugene Peterson Tells the Story

Eugene Peterson, biblical languages scholar, people’s pastor, Scripture storyteller, has done it again. Over 20 years ago, Peterson, began his labor of translating Scripture, with the intention of working the “message of the Bible into the lives of the men and women with whom I worked.”

Now, to 5 readings a week and gathering to discuss. It would be a great outreach Bible study (Such a study may be coming online to Living Story – let me know if you would be interested!) o Read the whole Bible straight through. I don’t mind saying I’m often intimidated by Read-the-Bible-in-a-Year plans. But I think I could read The Message 100 in less than a year, if I add it to my stack of currently-reading books (I usually have 3 going at a time, plus one fiction for bedtime☺). Cons of The Message 100 There are a few cons to note: 1. A caveat more than a con. It is not a literal translation. The Message Bible, as its writer acknowledges, is not a literal translation of the Bible. That being said, Eugene Peterson is a biblical languages scholar who made his dynamic equivalent/paraphrase by translating the original languages. I am always saddened by the number of people who disdain The Message without knowing Peterson’s scholarship or understanding his true intent: “my intent here…is simply to get people reading it who don’t know that the Bible is read-able at all, at least by them, and to get people who long ago lost interest in the Bible to read it again” (from the Preface to The Message). He goes on to say that people should get a study Bible to help with further study. 2. Thin Paper. I know it’s not politically correct in this eco-friendly world to complain about paper – I probably should have the book on Kindle. But I am a bibliophile, and I like books I can touch, especially the Bible. The review edition of The Message 100 I was given is a very thick paperback with very thin pages. I’m guessing it was made this way to make it seem more like a paperback novel people, less formal and stiff -looking as a typical Bible, and I get that. But personally, I’d like to see a heftier edition. I don’t know Tyndale’s plans, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see one eventually. My conclusions: I give The Message 100 a huge thumbs-up as a wonderful new resource for engaging the whole story of redemption the Bible tells. It is readable, it draws people more deeply into the story in a way that helps us see more fully the wonder of who God is and the magnitude of what He has done through Christ. Reading The Message 100 will help us learn, live, and love in the one true story that makes sense of life – the gospel! Sign up! Acknowledgment in my own words: The publisher gave me this book for free and asked me to review it. I was not paid, and I was not required to write a positive review. These opinions are mine☺! Or…the legalese version: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”” target=”_blank”>The Message 100 Devotional Bible, The Message structured in 100 Bible readings makes it easy to read the whole Story. As the editors say in the introduction,

“The books of the Bible are meant to be experienced as wholes, like a novel. But we often read and study the Bible more like a textbook….”

The Message 100 intends to engage readers in the redemption story the Bible tells. From Creation through the Fall to Redemption and ultimate Restoration, we read the wonders of the God we serve, worship in deeper awe and gratitude, and live the Story as the Holy Spirit has worked it into us.

(You can see why I, with my consuming passion for Living the Story of the gospel, love this, right?).

Structure of The Message 100

Let’s look first at the structure of The Message 100, then at the pros and cons.

  • The entire Bible, in The Message translation.
  • Divided into 100 readings. Each reading took me about 30 minutes.
  • Each reading briefly introduced by Eugene Peterson.
  • Chronologically ordered – but with each book in its entirety. (Many chronological Bibles divide the books).

Pros of The Message 100

I received my reviewer’s copy in mid-September, so I have not had time to read the entire book.

What I have had time to do is read all of Genesis and most of Job – the first two books, parts of Isaiah, Joel and Malachi, the first 8 chapters of Matthew, and parts of Revelation.

Here are 4 pros I found:

  1. Easy to read. I was really surprised at the speed and ease with which I completed the first reading. I had set aside 30 minutes, and I had finished Reading 001, the first 12 chapters of Genesis, in 25 minutes.
  1. New connections.Because I was focused more on story than study, and because I wasn’t obstructed by chapter and verse divisions (they are listed, in small print in the margin), I noticed relationships in the story I had missed before.

To see what I mean, read these two sentences:

            “The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame.

The serpent was clever, more clever than any wild animal God had made.” Genesis 2:25-3:1.

You can see how it looks in the book in this photograph.

Genesis 2 in The MSG

Uninterrupted by a sectional heading, the two sentences convey more fully the tragic loss of Adam and Eve’s sin. Before the Fall, the first couple were united and shame-free; the clever serpent, as we read in the next few sentences, seduces them to sin. The Adam and Eve we meet in verses 7 – 13 are shamed and shaming, divided from one another and from God.

  1. New observations. Ordinarily, I read Job thinking I already know the story. This time, in addition to noticing the vibrancy of the various characters and the relevance of their skewed theologies for today’s world, I noticed something else – the vast numbers and varieties of animals. I scribbled in the margin: “The Nat-Geo of the Bible.”
  1. Wonderful possibilities. The structure and the language do make this Bible truly readable. As a teacher who loves to help people learn, live, and love the gospel story, I see many exciting possibilities for The Message 100. Here are two:
  • Use the book for a Book Club type study, perhaps having people read 3 to 5 readings a week and gathering to discuss. It would be a great outreach Bible study (Such a study may be coming online to Living Story – let me know if you would be interested!)
  • Read the whole Bible straight through. I don’t mind saying I’m often intimidated by Read-the-Bible-in-a-Year plans. But I think I could read The Message 100 in less than a year, if I add it to my stack of currently-reading books (I usually have 3 going at a time, plus one fiction for bedtimeJ).

Cons of The Message 100 

You can probably tell that I’m pretty excited about this Bible.

  1. A caveat more than a con. It is not a literal translation. The Message Bible, as its writer acknowledges, is not a literal translation of the Bible. That being said, Eugene Peterson is a biblical languages scholar who made his dynamic equivalent/paraphrase by translating the original languages.

I am always saddened by the number of people who disdain The Message without knowing Peterson’s scholarship or understanding his true intent:

“my intent here…is simply to get people reading it who don’t know that the Bible is read-able at all, at least by them, and to get people who long ago lost interest in the Bible to read it again” (from the Preface to The Message).

He goes on to say that people should get a study Bible to help with further study.

  1. Thin Paper.I know it’s not politically correct in this eco-friendly world to complain about paper – I probably should have the book on Kindle. But I am a bibliophile, and I like books I can touch, especially the Bible. The review edition of The Message 100 I was given is a very thick paperback with very thin pages. I’m guessing it was made this way to make it seem more like a paperback novel, less formal and stiff-looking as a typical Bible, and I get that. But personally, I’d like to see a heftier edition. (As it turns out, there is a hardback edition. I don’t know if its paper is heavier:-)!

My conclusions:

I give The Message 100 a huge thumbs-up as a wonderful new resource for engaging the whole story of redemption the Bible tells. It is easy to read, and it draws people more deeply into the story. It opens our eyes to the wonder of who God is and the magnitude of what He has done through Christ. Reading The Message 100 will help us learn, live, and love in the one true story that makes sense of life – the gospel!

Sign up now to receive Living Story blog in your inbox once or twice a week!

Acknowledgment in my own words: The publisher gave me this book for free and asked me to review it. I was not paid, and I was not required to write a positive review. These opinions are mine:-)!

Or…the legalese version:

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Book Cover: Preparing for Glory: Biblical Answers to 40 Questions on Living and Dying in Hope of Heaven

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From Recovery to Restoration

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The Waiting Room devotional

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The Sound and Story of a Formerly Full House

by | Aug 3, 2015 | Learning Story, Parenting

Remembering Stories

One of the wonderful benefits of writing stories as you march through time is the joy of rereading and remembering and looking at where you are now along with where you have been. Today I am still “convalescing” (okay, that sounds worse than I am:-) from the two grand celebrations of this summer — the weddings of first, our third child – a daughter – on June 6, and second, our firstborn – a son — on July 25. The two not-yet-married children are with us at the beach for a week, so it’s not time to do new writing yet. But searching back through August posts, and having noted that some parents of kids going off to college are starting to post about that on Facebook, I offer this memory from the past.

The Sound & Story of an Empty House

Over the last three weeks, I have helped deliver three children to various college campuses. Our elder daughter is a campus ministry intern, our younger daughter, a junior, and our youngest son, a freshman. Our eldest son graduated from college last year and has long ago left the nest. On the first quiet day home, I decided to do some processing. Opening a creative writing book, I chose what to me is a challenging exercise: describe the “sound” of something. I hope my piece might help you process some of your feelings about a major change in your life. I also hope my rough efforts might inspire you to try your own. (And if you do so, I hope you’ll share them with us in the comments section!). piano in dark roomBed and chest rattle and shake over every bump we hit in the 250-mile drive to my daughter’s new home. The rattling is quiet compared to my noisy emotions – hope, fear, uncertainty zinging around inside. Happy squeals reach us across the parking lot as roommates reunite after the long summer apart. The helpers pleasantly greet us and politely ask where to start. The trailer door clangs as they open it, and a whoosh of hot air rushes toward us. They lift heavy boxes with barely a whimper; I pull small ones out of the car with dramatic groans. My daughter calls out from her room, “Mom, where should we put the table?” I go inside, where we chat casually about furniture placement. Silence echoes through the large empty house. Stillness calls to stillness. I wander by the darkened piano, its mouth shut up, waiting stoically for release. Our empty nest teddy bear dog sighs heavily in the hallway. My phone tweets from my pocket: “31DayFacelift is now following you.” “Really?!” I mock the message, staring at the non-person that delivered it. Drawn by the silent piano, I sit softly on the bench, tentatively striking notes unknown. A not-unpleasant noise sings forth, signaling the distant possibility of a graceful melody arising. Why not try it yourself? Set a timer for 7 minutes. On a blank sheet of paper, make a list of the sounds of something you’d like to describe. When you’re done, either continue to write your list into a paragraph, or set aside another time to do that.  or If you don’t want to write the sound of something, simply record your thoughts about a major transition in your life (like two of four children getting married in one summer 😉 or a new job or some other big change. 

Living Story Bible Study Guides: How to Explore Your Story

by | Jul 15, 2015 | Learning Story

In 10 days, our family will celebrate the second wedding of one of our four children within a 7- week period. It has been a summer of fresh delight; it has been a summer of unlooked-for loss; it has been a summer of changing-story sorrows; it has been a summer of new-beginning joys.

What does that have to do with Living Story Bible Study Guides?

I share that to explain why it is CRUCIAL to know our stories, and to understand them in the context of the grander narrative God is writing in our lives. Today on its blog, P &R Publishing highlights the three Bible studies I’ve written on the topic of living in God’s story of grace.

As I take a long pause in a few weeks after the final toast has been made, I will spend some time looking at my story. In Learning God’s Story of Grace, I described the “story of grace” the Bible tells, what some theologians call “redemptive history.” I also explain how this structure can be so helpful in remembering what God has done in our story and looking for what he might be doing right now.

Here are those four parts and a few questions I might use to further consider my current story. Why not try it with a story of your own?

The 4 Parts & a Few Questions

1. Creation tells us who we are, male and female, created in the image of God. The “chapter” of Creation is characterized by “shalom,” peace, wholeness, harmony – everything is “the way it ought to be.”

Question about my current story: 

  • A big one for me right now is “who am I” as I send two of our children out to form new families of their own?
  • Another is, “describe the shalom,” the beauty, the echoes of Eden in this story.
2. The Fall tells us why we struggle with sin and live in frustration. In the Fall, shalom is wrecked; sin has divided what was meant to be together; beauty is distorted; wholeness is deconstructed.
The Fall is compounded when we we multiply sin as we try to restore shalom by turning to people, places, or things that make us feel significant – what the Bible calls idols.

Questions to ask: 

  • What has gone wrong, and why? What sin has divided relationships?
  • What are the idols underneath this sin? What am I worshipping more than worshipping God? (I’ve really had to sit in this question as I see my “control-freak-mama” persona growing monstrously large and wreaking all sorts of havoc.

Which is why I’m so grateful for the next part:

3. Redemption tells of a sinless Savior who rescued us from sin and death by living, dying and rising.  This wild story of God’s grace means that anyone who trusts in Christ’s life, death, and resurrection for their salvation is transformed to live the free life we were made to live.
In this chapter of the story, shalom is partially restored:  relocation, reconciliation, and re-creation characterize our lives, even though we await the final day when restoration will be complete.

Questions to ask:

  • Where do I see God redeeming? (Even in the midst of this story, I have to stay close to the good news that Christ has forgiven my sin, since it’s easy to collapse in the Fall of condemnation).
  • What new things, new relationships, is God building in the midst? How is he shaping me (and my family) (and yes, it does feel like the potter banging hard on that clay:-)!
4. Consummation describes the ‘grand finale’ of the story, tells us that all our endings are transformed into the beginning of an unending story.

Questions to ask:

  • Even as things do not go perfectly with out summer weddings, how does the hope of the final Wedding Feast bring beauty and light into these moments?
  • What will this broken/redeemed relationship look like in that final day when we are all the perfectly gleaming bride, robed in his righteousness, resting in his shalom?

As we ask such questions that the Living Story Bible study series raises about our lives, the outcome is NOT about us. It’s really about seeing God’s glory even more clearly and loving him more fully for the love he has already shown us in Christ. It also helps us to discover more about what God is calling us to — to let go of, to move into. Please check out the series or contact me about coaching if you’re interested in exploring this life-transforming exercise further. And stay tuned — new coaching groups forming in the fall. Please let me know if you’re interested!

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A Word of Everlasting Consolation with Amy Carmichael

by | Jul 8, 2015 | Learning Story

Today I’ve been reading straight through a devotional by Amy Carmichael, who served as a missionary in South India from 1895 until her death in 1951. Carmichael suffered from chronic, hampering illness from 1931 until her death, but she continued to encourage others through counsel and writing.

Hear some of her words of wise encouragement today:

January 3

Heb. 6:18: Strong Consolation

2 Thess. 2:16: Everlasting consolation

These two familiar words ring in our hearts like bells. Way translates “strong consolation” all-prevailing encouragement. And he speaks of the hope of our heart as an anchor on which our soul rides safely: it cannot slip, it cannot break.

Everlasting consolation! What a word of joy that is! Some of us are tempted to wonder about the future. We look ahead, and imagine, and fear. For us there is something vital in this great thought of consolation that is not for today only, but for endless tomorrows.

Another word was written surely for any of us who are looking beyond the borders of today: Isaiah 26:3, 4.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee: because he trusteth in Thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength. 

Strong consolation.
Everlasting consolation.
Everlasting strength.

January 6

And she called the name of the Lord that spoke unto her, Thou God seest me. Thou God of Vision.
The well was called ‘The well of him that liveth and seeth me. The well of the Life of Vision.’ Genesis 16:13-14

Awed and heartened, Hagar called the Name of the Lord, Thou God seest me, Thou God of Vision.

The well nearby was named ‘The well of Him that liveth and seeth me, the well of the life of vision.’

Thank God for that well in the wilderness. If we are discouraged or tired or hurt today, one long drink from that well will give us new life, new courage, new patience to go on running the race set before us — even to the end.

From Whispers of His Power by Amy Carmichael.

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