by Elizabeth | May 21, 2015 | Learning Story
Ah, finally, a moment to write what I’m living right now —
the final in a series for ambivalent parents (and/or persons) struggling with the chaos of transition!
We’ve talked about the feeling of disorientation and ambivalence that strikes hard and fast, sometimes so dizzying we don’t even know what hit us!
Today — five thoughts on living in God’s story of grace through these seasons:
1. Grieve the loss.
Yes, it is a loss. With two “children” getting married this summer, the most common response I hear is, “Wow! Two in one summer! That’s —.” The second is, “Wow, how exciting!” So far, no one has said to me, “Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.” Yes, that would be weird.
But…it is a time to name that it’s a loss of a way of life and a leaving their first loyalty to you.
2. Remember that leaving is exactly what you wanted them to do. It is part of the greater process of them learning to depend completely on God.
The day we left our oldest daughter at a college 8 hours away from us was hard. Watching her grow and mature and meet forever friends and learn to do life on her own has been thrilling.
I still forget at times that, as she repeatedly says, (jokingly:-)???!!!) when she’s home, “No one can tell me what to do! (Note, she’s mocking her 4-year-old self when she does that. But I’m pretty sure there’s a message in there for me and her Dad:-)!
3. Speaking of their leaving, recognize where you may have become overly dependent on them for your happiness, identity, or security.
I love our younger daughter’s fiancé, and I love how they enjoy hanging out together. But honestly, sometimes I miss my buddy who was ready to go get a pedicure with me at a moment’s notice:-)!
When our fourth graduated from high school and went off to college, it took me a little time to get used to not being “anyone’s mom” — as in, “Hi, I’m Robert’s mom…” or having school events to attend.
Name the loss (see number one above) and cling to God. He will meet you in loneliness and confusion, reminding you that you are his beloved child.
4. Smash the idol of perfection. There is no right way to do parenting in transition — except by prayer and strong support of wise friends.
Early in the process of having one child engaged, then another, I complained to a dear friend, “I just don’t know how to do this. I need a book to read on ‘how to do engagement as a mom.’”
She so kindly and sagely remarked, “What if it’s not about doing it right? What if it’s about doing it well?”
What she meant was that this isn’t a “by-the-book” thing. Sure, there are books for M-O-B’s and M-O-G’s (no, I didn’t know what that stood for either until I became one — Mother of Bride (Groom);-), but the only book that helps you know how to let go and name loss and mess up and know you’re forgiven is the Story of Grace the Bible tells.
Every night I have a new wedding anxiety dream (I should start a twitter account on this:-) —
Last night I dreamed that the florist didn’t show up for my daughter’s wedding and that she was wearing a giant plant on her head (she hopes to wear a crown of greenery and flowers:-).
Then I dreamed that a huge box of rehearsal dinner invitations arrived and as my future d-i-l and I looked at them, they were in fact “Welcome” letters for my daughter’s wedding!!!
The truth is about weddings — the hardest struggles are the relational ones. The only way to do it well is by the grace of the merciful, ever-loving God.
5. Finally, even though I actually have more (email me if you want to hear them:-), Rest and pray.
You will see those humongous lists in Bed, Bath, & Beyond of all the things your graduate will need in his dorm room. Forget it. You’ll never get it all. The work to “be ready” will never be completely done. Even when you think it is, you will have missed some things.
Learn to say “no,” and learn to lie down on the couch. And pray.
Pray in the morning, pray in the night, pray in the noonday. He is listening. He knows. He cares. He is your center and will re-orient you to what is essential — giving and receiving love as Christ our Savior did. The pressure’s off.
What about you? What transitions have you struggled with? Have any of these suggestions helped you? What others would you suggest?
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by Elizabeth | May 19, 2015 | Learning Story
Last night I dreamed that I was in an earthquake. (I live in Florida, where hurricanes are not uncommon, but earthquakes are). It was easy to trace seismic activity in my dreams to current stories in my life and the world.
Whether it is the Nepal earthquake, criminal motorcycle gangs, or children’s lives changing rapidly, the good news is that God never changes. Here are some quotes from Charles Spurgeon’s Morning Meditation, paired with visuals. I hope these words and pictures (taken with an Iphone 5s at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens) will encourage your heart when your world seems to shake.
(The full-text of the hymn he quotes can be found here).
The Good News: God Is in Control
The Good News: God Is God
The Good News: God Gives Peace and Gladness
The Good News: God Forever Reigns
by Elizabeth | May 11, 2015 | Learning Story
Last week, I wrote about the disorientation many graduates may be experiencing in this wild season.
With the swirl of May activity and the whirl of concomitant emotions, I’ve enjoyed some sweet restoration sitting still, closing my eyes, and listening to the lovingly sung prayers of Sandra McCracken’s new album, Psalms.
Underneath each picture is the link to the related psalm song from Sandra McCracken.
by Elizabeth | May 5, 2015 | Learning Story
Tis the season – graduation invites are dropping in my mailbox like flies on watermelon juice, so I am re-visiting some of my previous thoughts on the season.
(This year, our third child, second daughter is graduating from college — and getting married 3 weeks later, and moving, and starting a new job….! So, once again, I want to write some new thoughts, but it turns out the old ones still apply — and I have to make a day-trip to our youngest son’s college today, so…we’re returning to 2013.
I want to write some new thoughts about graduation, I really do.
But the fact is, I have to figure out how to print return address labels for his invitations, go to the post office to get the “additional postage required” because I didn’t know the invitations we ordered were an “odd-size,” and buy more laundry detergent, because our household is again filled with kids who have laundry (and do it themselves).
Human experience includes those dangerous and difficult times of dislocation and disorientation when the sky does fall and the world does come to an end.” Walter Brueggemann, on the Psalms
I was reading this great Brueggemann quote this morning, and it hit me. My daughter (and every other senior) is disoriented. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying — it’s not like she’s doing crazy things like wrapping the school up with caution tape or lying around the house all day watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls (well, she is doing that!).
It’s just that she, and every other senior, has arrived at one of those times when a world has come to an end.
I’ve been focusing on how disorienting it is for me to have my third of four graduate from high school, but this morning I decided to turn the tables and think about what the seniors are wondering. Here are six questions disoriented graduates may be asking:
- Who am I now that I’m not…the class clown, the All-A student, the “most-likely-to-be-tardy,” the state wrestling champ…?
- Will anyone here miss me? Will they remember me?
- How will they get along without me? Who can fill my shoes in the part I played in this world?
- Who will be my new friends along the next part of the journey?
- What IS the next part of the journey?
- Will I make it in the “real world”?
For the graduates and their parents, siblings, and friends, reading and praying the Psalms of orientation and disorientation remind us that in the midst of a season of uncertainty, God’s unchanging love and all-knowing plans bring a sense of security.
by Elizabeth | Mar 31, 2015 | Learning Story
It’s Holy Week. As I thought about this blog, I realized I know a lot about “Palm Sunday,” “Maundy Thursday,” “Good Friday,” “Silent Saturday” (or “Easter Eve”), and “Resurrection Sunday.” These are the biggies, (they even have names), and preachers, teachers, and bloggers tend to focus on them.
But what about Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday — what happened on those days? I often forget. So I did a bit of research. I considered what Jesus did, and I thought about what we learn about the gospel, the story of God’s grace, through them. Here are four happenings from Monday and Tuesday. I’ll follow up with Wednesday tomorrow. Here is a short list of some of the events of those days:
Fig Monday (yes, apparently it has been so named:-)!
1. The curse of the tree: Matthew 21:18-22; Mark 11:12-14: Jesus curses the fig tree for not bearing fruit. His disciples were confused. What did the fig tree do to deserve this?
- Gospel implication: In Jeremiah 8:13, a fig tree represented Israel, God’s chosen people. In this final week, God is unveiling the truth — his very own people deserve judgment, death, for their sins. And Jesus will be dying in their place.
2. More moneychanger trouble: Mark 11:15-19: We don’t often see Jesus apparently lose his cool (he doesn’t really lose it), but here, filled with righteous indignation at the religious leaders and moneychangers, he starts turning over tables.
- Gospel implication: The religious folk are requiring payment for temple entry. Jesus is about to die for the sins of the world. Jesus teaches us that the only way to gain access into God’s presence is by trusting in him as Savior. Not taxes, not sacrificial animals, not good deeds.
Teaching Tuesday(?) or Trap Tuesday(?) (Okay, I made these up:-)!
1. Jesus teaches the disciples: Mark 11: 20-25: Passing the cursed fig tree on their way back to Jerusalem, the disciples notice it is now withered. Jesus gives a brief but significant lesson on faith, prayer, and forgiveness.
- Gospel implication: The disciples will soon face a task that will seem far more impossible than praying a mountain into the sea. Jesus’ dark-houred death will demand faith that hope will rise again. And they will come to know that indeed, Jesus’ death and resurrection profoundly changes their story — they are forgiven, freed of sin, guilt, and death, and they are empowered to forgive others.
2. Jesus teaches the religious authorities trying to trap him: Mark 11:28-12:40, Matthew 23:39. The religious leaders question Jesus’ authority — who authorized him to take the actions in the temple?
And in the sections that follow, Jesus pulls out all of his teaching stops — questions, parables, illustrations, and finally, the provocative “woes” of Matthew 23:1-37 (WHOA!). We might say Jesus had a “come to Jesus” meeting with them.
- Gospel implication: Jesus, knowing his teaching will further enrage them, persists in pointing them (and us) to their/our desperate need for a Savior. The only cure for their hardness of heart, self-righteous attitude, and stubbornly blind eyes is God’s grace.
Well, whoops! As I got into this, there was obviously more story to tell than room to tell it, so I’ll continue with “Spy Wednesday” tomorrow (you’re dying to know, aren’t you:-)!
To read more about some of the specifics that occurred on these two days, check out the wonderful Holy Week series by Justin Taylor and Andreas Kostenberger, also now compiled in book form.
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by Elizabeth | Mar 24, 2015 | Learning Story
On March 22, 2015, Kara Tippetts’ dying ended; she now lives forever with Jesus.
The 38-year-old wife of a church planter and mother of four, a vivacious and truly gracious woman by all accounts, Kara Tippetts was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer in 2012.
She and her husband Jason chose to live their story of grace in front of a watching world. On her blog, Mundane Faithfulness, and in her compelling book, The Hardest Peace, Kara wrote out her wrestling, beckoning us to join her in the journey.
Cancer and life threw her and her beloved its worst, but she kept rising again (by God’s grace alone, she would say). Through this war, Kara, her husband, and her community kept pointing us to The Story — the painful, joyful reality of the Cross we celebrate in this season (SPOILER ALERT!) –
Because of Christ, agony and suffering don’t win. As Sally Lloyd-Jones puts it in the Jesus Storybook Bible, one day “everything sad will come untrue” (Revelation 21).
The ministry of Living Story is about training our eyes to see God’s story of grace – in Scripture – and in real, raw, lived lives. Kara Tippetts was such a living story to many. Today, I share excerpts of one of her pieces that informs us of what it means me to live the gospel in midst of suffering.
When Kara heard that 29-year-old Brittany Maynard had opted for doctor-assisted suicide in the face of a terminal diagnosis, her heart ached. So she composed a letter. From a place of faith, hope, and love, she urged Brittany to hear the possibility of redemption.
- Faith is based on remembering God’s rescue in the past to trust God’s goodness and redemption in the present.
Kara’s faith:
Brittany, I love you, and I’m sorry you are dying. I am sorry that we are both being asked to walk a road that feels simply impossible to walk.
As I [prayed] for you, I wondered over the impossibility… that one day the story of my young daughter will be made beautiful in her living because she witnessed my dying.
- Hope. Christian hope is based on a memory of the future, the day when Christ will return and restore all broken things.
Kara’s hope:
Dear heart, we simply disagree. Suffering is not the absence of goodness, it is not the absence of beauty, but perhaps it can be the place where true beauty can be known.
Brittany, when we trust Jesus to be the carrier, protector, redeemer of our hearts, death is no longer dying. My heart longs for you to know this truth, this love, this forever living.
- Love. Christian love takes the grace that God has extended to us and extends it to others.
Kara’s love:
More importantly, will you hear from my heart that Jesus loves you. He loves you. He loves you. He died an awful death upon a cross so that you would know Him today [and] no longer live separate from Him. He died and His death happened, it is not simply a story.
He died and He overcame death three days later, and in that overcoming of death He overcame the death you and I are facing in our cancer.
Brittany Maynard did not change her mind. But Kara left a legacy for us. I thank my God in my every remembrance of this living story I never actually met.
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