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What Is Your Legacy and How Will You Share It?

What Is Your Legacy and How Will You Share It?

Have you ever given any thought to your legacy? Has it occurred to you that you are a legacy, and that you have a legacy? I believe God has created a legacy of good news in each of us and that we are made to share it. Let’s begin by considering the word legacy.

What is a legacy?

You can probably tell that the word legacy is related to the word legal, and indeed, the original meaning of the word had to do with legal direction for what we leave when we die. In this sense, a legacy has to do with legal direction for the financial and material goods we leave behind.

The word has taken on a broader meaning, though, as Oxford languages puts it, “the long-lasting impact of particular events, actions, etc. that took place in the past, or of a person’s life.” (Google, Oxford Languages).

Living our legacy as Christians

For Christians, our legacy points to the good news of God’s story of grace in our lives, and we are meant to live and share it for God’s glory:

“tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord, about his power and his mighty wonders” (Psalm 78:4).

We focus first on living a life that tells the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord. What I remember about my grandmother is how she faithfully taught Sunday School well into her eighties, how she took my brother and me to Vacation Bible School when we visited her in the summer, and how she cooked fabulous meals and made a home for us. We want to live a life that shows the grace of God to the “next generation,” whether our own children and grandchildren, or to anyone who needs to know the good news.

Numbering our days

Part of living this life includes a commitment to numbering our days:

“So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12 

We do so by facing the realities of aging, caregiving, and the end of life, intentionally, wisely, and hopefully. As Eugene Peterson said,

“We will learn to live well when we learn to live wisely. And we will learn to live wisely when we learn to realize that our days here on earth are numbered.” (Eugene Peterson, The Message: Conversations with Its Author).

For more thoughts on living our legacies by numbering our days, go here:

10 Benefits to Numbering Your Days

Preparing your legacy

I think of the legacy we prepare and share in two large categories: practical and spiritual.

Practical Legacy

Our practical legacy includes all of the information our loved ones will need if we are incapacitated or have died: the legal instructions such as will, advance directive, power of attorney, etc. as well as essential information like passwords, insurance, financial, etc. Our practical legacy also includes things we don’t leave behind because we have appropriately let go of things along the way.

My parents were divorced when I was young and had very different approaches to numbering their days and preparing a legacy. My father died without providing much in the way of a practical legacy although he knew he had terminal cancer. My mother, because she had seen the complications and additional grief caused by my father dying without this legacy, gathered all of the information I would need as her executor. Because she died unexpectedly, having this information in the midst of my shock and grief was a kind gift. 

Spiritual Legacy

Our spiritual legacy is the non-material legacy we leave: our stories, beliefs, values, and wisdom. In addition to living authentically in the way we wish to be remembered, we gather and record our spiritual legacy, whether through writing or video or oral recording. There are a myriad of ways to record and share a spiritual legacy. 

Sharing your legacy

I am passionate about helping you share your legacy. If you write stories in a little notebook but no one ever knows about them, they could be lost forever. I can help you gather your legacies into one place and to share them in ways that bless your loved ones. It can be difficult to have conversations with family members or friends about our legacies, both practical and spiritual, because people don’t want to think about our deaths. But when we number our days intentionally and wisely, we can share the hope of glory, our belief that our death is the beginning of our truest story, not the end.

Dear friends, let’s start today to live, prepare, and share our legacy intentionally.

Elizabeth Reynolds Turnage

Elizabeth Reynolds Turnage

Elizabeth is a life and legacy coach who offers gospel-centered wisdom and equipping to help you live, prepare, and share your life and legacy.

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Medicalized Dying: How to Make Wise Decisions for the End of Life

Medicalized Dying: How to Make Wise Decisions for the End of Life

Dear Friends,

This month we tackle a tough but important topic. I had never heard the phrase “medicalized dying” until I began doing an independent study for my D. Min. program on death, dying, and eternal life. But when we think about it, we’ve all witnessed or heard stories of its impact—whether for good or for ill. You may know someone who died in the hospital, even though they wished to die at home. Or you may know someone who died at home with family and friends around them, singing them into glory. As you read this article, I hope you’ll learn some new things and begin to have conversations with your loved ones about wisdom at the end of life. I hope you’ll even consider preparing an advance directive to guide your loved ones. I truly believe that knowing how to think wisely about medicalized dying will benefit you, a family member, or a friend.

Here’s a question for you. Please respond in the comments or by emailing me directly. I’d love to hear.

Share about someone who “died well” from your point of view.

Medicalized Dying

The patient was an emaciated eighty-eight-year-old man whose late-stage cancer had spread to his bones and his brain. When his breathing stopped, a code was called, and a team of medical personnel—doctors, nurses, techs, social workers, and chaplains rushed to his room. Performing their choreographed tasks, they restored his breathing. But in order to do so, they had to insert a breathing tube into his airway, and he had to be placed on a ventilator and moved to the ICU. The team knew it was only a matter of time before his heart stopped again. He was dying. Dr. L. S. Dugdale, the attending physician and author of The Lost Art of Dying, asked the daughter if she would like to have a Do Not Resuscitate order in place so he wouldn’t have to endure the physical trauma of being resuscitated again. The daughter adamantly refused, saying that she was a Christian, and that she believed God would work a miracle. As Dr. Dugdale says, “It seems curious that the people who believe most fervently in divine healing cling most doggedly to the technology of mortals.”[1]

No doubt, many of us are alive today because of post-World-War-II medical advances such as antibiotics, surgery, and chemotherapy. We are grateful for modern medicine. And yet, modern medical advances have led to something doctors and theologians alike refer to as “medicalized death.” “In ‘medicalized’ dying death is regarded as the great enemy to be defeated by the greater powers of science and medicine.”[2]  A variety of life-sustaining measures such as CPR, dialysis, ventilators, artificial nutrition, and more, exist. In order to “glorify God in our bodies” (see 1 Cor. 6:20), we do want to seek and accept medical care which is likely to “maintain or restore health” by “ordinary means.”[3] At the same time, we recognize that “God’s Word…[makes] it possible to decline or discontinue life-sustaining treatment,” at the end of life.[4]

While we can make biblically and prayerfully informed decisions about which life-sustaining treatments to accept at the end-of-life, studies show that Christians tend to be far more likely to choose aggressive medical measures at the end of life than non-Christians. When we take the time in advance of crisis to educate ourselves about such measures and to understand the biblical principles which guide us, we will be better prepared to make wise and loving decisions in difficult moments. As we consider prayerfully what it looks like to glorify God at the end of life and what quality of spiritual life we want to enjoy, we can make advance directives that guide our loved ones about our wishes and bring them peace in painful moments.

Aggressive Measures at the End-of-Life: What We Need to Know

One thing we need to know about aggressive measures at the end of life is that TV does not portray them accurately. Consider TV CPR. On TV, the monitor shows that the heart has stopped, a code is called, people rush in, someone yells “Clear!” the heart is shocked, and the rhythm returns. By the end of the episode the patient is well and leaves the hospital. In reality, ribs are often fractured, blood is often spilled, the patient is always placed on a ventilator and moved to ICU, and only ten percent of hospital patients recover after CPR.[5]. This does not mean that we should never allow CPR; it does mean that a person near the end of life and/or with a terminal illness should pray about whether or not to have a Do Not Resuscitate order.

In the same way, mechanical ventilators, which “support breathing in the setting of respiratory failure,” dialysis, which “replaces kidney function, most commonly by filtering blood through a machine,” artificially administered nutrition, which is delivered “through tubes entering our gastrointestinal tract” or “via catheters placed in large veins,”[6] among other medical measures, are complex and need to be considered carefully at the end of life. While they may have much to offer a relatively healthy patient to restore health, they may act only to prolong death in a dying person. For this reason, we need to approach them prayerfully, armed with biblical principles. As Dr. Kathryn Butler explains, “Our path requires careful review of the factors influencing survival and reflection upon Scripture to do as God requires: ‘to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God’ (Mic. 6:8). In short, we need to determine when to press on and when to relax into the embrace of our Lord.”[7]

Biblical Principles Concerning End-of-Life Measures

After educating ourselves about end-of-life measures, we can use biblical principles to guide us as we consider the options. In her book, Between Life and Death: A Gospel-Centered Guide to End-of-Life Medical Care, Dr. Butler recommends considering four biblical principles:

1. Sanctity of Life

The Lord who created male and female in his image (Gen. 1:26), the Lord who “gives to all mankind life and breath and everything” (Acts 17:25), has written dignity into the very being and body of every human.

2. God’s authority over life and death

God rules over the life and death of something as ordinary as a sparrow (Matt. 10:29), and God rules over the life and death of his creation. When considering which measures to accept or refuse at the end of life, we must remember, “Sanctity of life does not refute the certainty of death.”[8]

3. Mercy and Compassion

We should be guided by compassion for the person at the end of life and should seek to bring comfort without inflicting further suffering. A compassionate approach takes into account a person’s wishes for the ability to connect with God and with others.

4. Hope in Christ

Because Christ has defeated death, and because we have the hope of resurrection (1 Cor. 15:52-55), we need not fear death but can anticipate the day of our homecoming.

In his book, Departing in Peace: Biblical Decision-Making at the End of Life, Dr. Bill Davis, philosophy professor, discusses over thirty biblical principles that help to guide us in a wide variety of end-of-life decisions.

Quality of Life Considerations

Armed with sound biblical principles, we can also consider the implications of choices we make at the end of life.

Hospital or Home

Many aggressive end-of-life measures require being in the hospital, often in the ICU, where limitations are placed on visits from family and friends. For this reason, the person is often isolated in their final days and moments. A 2017 Kaiser Family Foundation study showed that 71 percent of Americans would prefer to die at home.[9] If remaining at home with family and friends is our desire for the end of life, we need to know which measures would allow us to do so.

Financial Considerations

Although we struggle to accept this reality in America, the cost of some treatments can be prohibitive. Dr. Davis makes some excellent points about our responsibility to pay for treatments we choose and to take into account stewardship of our finances, particularly as it concerns end-of-life measures. Consider, for example, a woman who had already been through rounds of chemotherapy to survive breast cancer. Years later, when she was diagnosed with late-stage pancreatic cancer, the doctors gave her little hope for survival. They recommended a costly experimental chemotherapy, saying it might add two months to her life expectancy of five months. The woman didn’t wish to spend her remaining time suffering the effects of the chemotherapy, and she didn’t want to spend her children’s inheritance on something that gave her so little extra time. Yet, many Christians were advising her that she must try the chemotherapy. Dr. Davis encouraged her with this biblical principle: “God’s Word requires us to make faithful use of all our talents, opportunities, and resources: time, energy, attention, and money.”[10] For this reason, and because “earthly life is not the highest good,”[11] this woman could reasonably decline the costly chemotherapy.

Spiritual Quality of Life

It is not only okay, but it is good to take into account our desires for a spiritual quality of life at the end of life. As we prepare our advance directives, we will want to ask questions like, “Will this option allow me to take in the ordinary means of grace—prayer, fellowship, communion, meditating on God’s Word?” In considering end-of-life stewardship of our bodies and our resources, we should ask not only, “What do I want?” but also “How will this option allow me to receive God’s love and continue to glorify God?” In making spiritual quality of life a goal for the end of life, we will demonstrate to others that whether we live or we die, our chief end is to enjoy and glorify God.

Dear friends, it is not easy to think about the end of our lives, but it is wise, and it is kind. Decisions about end-of-life medical options fall to our loved ones 50 percent of the time.[12] Let us faithfully steward the good gift of our bodies by learning more about medicalized dying and deciding how to wisely employ medical measures far in advance of crisis.

What about you? Have you ever heard the phrase “medicalized dying”? What experiences with the death of a loved one and end-of-life measures have you had? How have they made you think about what you would want at the end of your life? (Please share any or all thoughts in the comments or by emailing me directly. We’d all benefit from hearing your experience and thoughts.)

Elizabeth Reynolds Turnage is an author, life and legacy coach, and speaker who helps you live, prepare, and share your practical and spiritual legacy.

Grief During the Holidays: Six Ways to Cope

Grief During the Holidays: Six Ways to Cope

Dear Friends,

As we enter the holiday season, I am all too aware that many of you are grieving the loss of a loved one or the loss of health for yourself or for a loved one. Last year, the first holiday season after my mom had died, I described my grief this way: “I feel a little like I’m in a hotel room groping in the dark to find the light switch. The terrain is unfamiliar, and I’ve already bumped into the desk a few times.”

How would you describe grief you’ve experienced? What has helped you in that grief? You can share in the comments below, or email me to share your thoughts? Feel free to reply in the comments, or email me to share your thoughts. I’d love to hear them.

Whether you have lost a loved one this year or caregiving has rearranged your life, the holidays can stir up grief like a windstorm in the desert. When we enter the season aware of the potential struggles, we’re more likely to walk through it with hope and kindness. Here are six ways I’ve discovered to cope with grief during the holidays.

1. Acknowledge the reality, and accept the normalcy of your grief.

Because so much is flying at us during the holidays, we can forget that we have lost something significant. Then, when we cry messy tears during a cheesy holiday movie or dread decorating the Christmas tree, we are taken by surprise.

Jesus led us in acknowledging his own grief over Lazarus’ death, weeping loudly, even though he knew he was about to raise him from the dead (See John 11). If Jesus grieved, then we are in good company in our grief. Jesus invites us to rest in him in our grief.

2. Don’t compare your grief to another’s.

You might look at me and think, “She just lost her mother two years ago, but I lost my mother five years ago. Why is she writing blogs about grief when all I want to do is sleep?” No matter what you might have learned in high school psychology class, grief experts say there’s  no such thing as a clear and orderly five stages of grief. Psychiatrist David P. Feldman, Ph. D., comments, “In fact, the actual grief process looks a lot less like a neat set of stages and a lot more like a roller coaster of emotions. Even Kubler-Ross said that grief doesn’t proceed in a linear and predictable fashion, writing toward the end of her career that she regretted her stages had been misunderstood.” (David Feldman, Why the Five Stages of Grief Are Wrong).

God has created each of us with a unique personality and has written each of our stories differently. Rather than comparing our grief journey to another’s, we can trust God to be with us throughout our journey. We can also invite others into our grief, saying something like, “I don’t know why this year is so hard for me. Last year I felt fine, but this year I really miss my husband’s smoked turkey.”

3. Be intentional about expressing your grief.

In addition to inviting others into our grief, we also may need to explore what we’re feeling. Journaling, talking with a good friend, and praying can help us discover more specific sources of our sorrow. For example, through journaling prayers, I discovered my disappointment that my mom died before she could welcome her first great-grandchild, who was due in February.

Sometimes our family and friends don’t know how to respond to our grief. Thankfully, Scripture gives us models for lament, showing us how to take our grief to God. Over seventy percent of the Psalms are lament Psalms. They generally follow a fourfold structure:

  1. Turning to God
  2. Naming your grief to God
  3. Asking God for help
  4. Expressing restored confidence in God.

Even when we don’t know what to pray, we praying one of the lament Psalms can help us express our grief (See Psalm 3, 6, 22, 28, 31, 44, 56, 57, 71, 77, 86, 88).

4. Consider which holiday traditions you want to preserve, and which to save for another year. 

The familiarity of traditions can provide comfort, but at the same time, carrying on a tradition without the loved one’s participation can be painful. Consider which, if any, traditions you’d like to preserve this year, knowing you may do things differently next year. You might also creatively alter traditions. For example, if your husband always put the star on top of the tree, and he is no longer able, consider letting a grandchild do it this year. Or if you don’t feel like attending the local production of the Nutcracker, you might donate money to the dance company in honor of a loved one.

No matter what you decide to do regarding traditions, remember to be patient with yourself, as God is with you. Know that your Heavenly Father isn’t wondering why you didn’t make your famous oyster dressing this year. Know that your Heavenly Father isn’t disappointed in you for skipping the big family Thanksgiving. Know that your Heavenly Father delights in you and rejoices over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17).

5. Seek out doable ways to serve others.

A study by the United Health group “found that most people felt mentally and physically healthier after a volunteer experience, mostly in relation to mood improvement, lower stress levels, and enhanced sense of purpose.” While we don’t want to use serving as a substitute for grieving, and we must be wary of overwhelming ourselves with others’ pain as we serve, some acts of service can help us heal. This may be the year to serve a meal at the local food bank, or it may be the year to call up a lonely friend and invite them out for  coffee.

God has designed and called us to “love our neighbor,” “to be fruitful and multiply” beauty; finding bite-sized ways to share his goodness will benefit us and others.

6. Take good care of your health.

Eat well (but not too well). Exercise. Sleep. Yes, Cousin Sally’s “Hot Fudge Brownie Delights” are delicious, and by all means, if your doctor approves, have one. But remember to do everything in moderation, enjoying the food and drink served up at the holidays, but not overindulging. Because walking improves mood and health, make it a regular practice, even if you have to do laps around the living room.

Grief deeply affects the body; in this season, we want to be kinder than ever to the bodies God gave us, nurturing and protecting them as we have been called to do (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Let’s pray for one another…

Dear friends, I will be praying for you as I invite you to pray for me over the coming weeks and months. May the Lord bless us and keep us. May the Lord show us his abundant grace for every moment of grief. May we draw near to him, as he has drawn near to us.

And — if you’re willing to share — what are some ways you’ve found to cope with grief during the holidays? Please share in the comments (someone else might need your idea) or by sending me a message.

Do you know someone who might be grieving during the holidays? Please consider sharing this with them if you think it would encourage them. Thank you!

Elizabeth Reynolds Turnage is a life and legacy coach who offers gospel-centered writing, coaching, and speaking on the issues of aging, caregiving, and the end-of-life.