5 Questions for Disoriented Graduates (and Their Parents!)

by | May 15, 2013 | Mission, Parenting

If you see a graduate looking this disoriented, you might want to call a doctor:-)!

If you see a graduate looking this disoriented, you might want to call a doctor:-)!

With our eldest daughter just graduated from college and our youngest son graduating from high school in two weeks, I want to write some new thoughts about graduation, I really do. But the fact is, I have to figure out how to print return address labels for his invitations, go to the post office to get the “additional postage required” because I didn’t know the invitations we ordered were an “odd-size,” and buy more laundry detergent, because our household is again filled with kids who have laundry (and do it themselves). So, for today, I’m bringing back a post I wrote two years ago, when our youngest daughter graduated from high school. I think these things still pertain. But next time I want to write about the parents’ disorientation:-)!
“Human experience includes those dangerous and difficult times of dislocation and disorientation when the sky does fall and the world does come to an end.” Walter Brueggemann, on the Psalms

I was reading this great Brueggemann quote this morning, and it hit me. My daughter (and every other senior) is disoriented. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying — it’s not like she’s doing crazy things like wrapping the school up with caution tape or lying around the house all day watching old episodes of Make it or Break It. It’s just that she, and every other senior, has arrived at one of those times when a world has come to an end.

I’ve been focusing on how disorienting it is for me to have my third of four graduate from high school, but this morning I decided to turn the tables and think about what the seniors are wondering. Here are five questions of disorientation for graduates**:

1. Who am I now that I’m not…the class clown, the All-A student, the “most-likely-to-be-tardy,” the state wrestling champ…?

2. Will anyone here miss me? Will they remember me?

3. How will they get along without me? Who can fill my shoes in the part I played in this world?

4. Who will be my new friends along the next part of the journey?

5. Will I even make it on the next part of the journey?

** Caution — I don’t highly recommend sitting down with your graduate and saying, “Now, honey, I know you’re really struggling with some hard questions. Let’s talk about them.” (I read all about it on the Living Story blog.) (I write this only because it’s something I might do:).

I’m thinking — Reading the Psalms, which are all about disorientation and re-orientation, prayer, understanding and good conversation may be ways to walk well with a graduate (or anyone in transition). Letting someone know  we’re listening to their hearts, remembering how those questions were answered for us or them in the past could be very helpful in these days. What do you think?

Parent-Sinners parent sinners

by | Oct 17, 2011 | Gospel living, Parenting, Spiritual Growth

It's hard to be angry and yet not sin with our children.

“ 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.” (I Timothy 1:15-16)

This post is continued – sorry to have left the child-sinners hanging on Friday, but I wanted to save the most important point for last. (When my daughter saw the title of my post on Facebook, she wrote, ‘This should be interesting!:).

As parents, we are the “chief” sinners (for more on the concept of leaders as chief sinners, see Dan Allender’s Leading with a Limp). This is because we know more and have lived longer. It is our job to ask forgiveness first when we have done harm to one of our children. I have many stories to illustrate this point, but I’ll settle on one:

Many years ago, I lost my temper with one of my children – AGAIN. I knew I had blown it, and I sent him to his room for time-out before I did any further harm. I prayed (that sounds calmer than it was – more like, “God! HELP!” through clenched teeth). When I had cooled slightly, I visited his room to deliver my apology. “I am really sorry. I lost my temper.”

His words still rattle me as I think about how easy and devastating it would have been to walk through the easy exit he gave me: “Yeah, but mom, if I hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have…” I stopped him with an answer the Holy Spirit must have put in me, because I wouldn’t have thought of it on my own: “Son, your sin is yours to deal with before God and me, but my sin is mine to deal with. I cannot blame my sin on you. I need to ask God’s forgiveness and yours.”

That’s the gospel. We parents sin. We sin more when we blame our children for our sin. We do need to ask forgiveness when we wrong them. How else will they learn the humility to ask forgiveness for themselves? I wish there were some easier way to teach this, but there’s not. And more importantly, as “ambassadors of reconciliation,” it is more than a parenting lesson, it is a calling. That good news will be our topic tomorrow.