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5 Quotes for When Parenting Is Hard

by | May 14, 2019 | Gospel living, Marriage, Mother's Day, Parenting

5 Quotes for When Parenting Is Hard

In the third post of our series about mothers, we include mothers and fathers and grandparents.

As we all know, parenting isn’t always cute coos and infant smiles. When the toddler or teenage screams overwhelm you, when parenting is hard, these five quotes from parents and grandparents will encourage you.

Ann Voskamp

I never expected that a mother’s labor and delivery never ends — and you never stop having to remember to breathe.
I didn’t know that taking the path of most resistance often leads to the most reward.
I didn’t know that you kids would birth me deeper into God and I didn’t know that you’d drive me crazy and I didn’t know how you’d drive me to the Cross….
And the Gospel has never stopped being the good news headline that I’ve needed every day because I’ve been the one breaking.

Scotty Smith

Dear heavenly Father, yet again we turn to you as the designer and builder of all things, including the lives of our children and grandchildren. Thank you for reminding us that our children are a gift, not a project.
At times you’ve had to use a gospel wrecking ball on my parenting style in order to build something more lasting and beautiful. That process continues. But even when I’m overbearing or under believing, disengaged or too enmeshed, I am thankful to know that you remain faithful and loving.
Continue to rescue me from relational “laboring in vain” — assuming a burden you never intended parents to bear. Father, only you can reveal the glory and grace of Jesus to our children.

Scott Sauls

It is hard for a controlling type-A to surrender anything, especially the author rights to his own children’s stories.

And yet, if their stories were to unfold in unexpected ways — having dreams go unfulfilled, experiencing loss, being brokenhearted, enduring a spiritual crisis — hope would not be lost, because God would still be in control of things. And it is always better for God to be in control of things than for us to be in control of things.

Dan Allender

Nothing my son or daughters will do can alter the plan and passion of God. There are ultimately no mistakes in life. There are sins and failures, to be sure, but no mistakes. And nothing that is inscribed in the text of one’s life is not ultimately authored by a merciful God….
The collapse of our dreams or their rise, the kindness and fidelity of those we love, are all the scribbling of a genius God.

Judy Douglass

How? For me, this became the question God kept before me: Could I continue to receive this boy as a gift? Slowly the Father opened my eyes and heart to see the many ways God had blessed me.

He drove me into God’s arms….
My heavenly Father welcomed me into his loving arms, captured all my tears, listened to me cry out, yell at him, and beg him. When I was ready to give up, he held me up with his righteous right arm, sharing his strength and courage with me.

He taught me to pray.

I’m a ministry leader. I thought I knew how to pray. But this boy kept me on my knees. Yes, I asked, beseeched, and pleaded. And I lamented. I confessed. I reminded God what his Word said. I thanked. I listened. All of the above, almost all the time.

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How (and Why) to Write Your Mother’s Story

by | May 7, 2019 | Gospel Coaching, Learning Story, Mother's Day

How (and Why) to Write Your Mother’s Story

As we continue our focus on moms, this week we consider our own moms or mother figures in our lives. 

A story about writing a mother’s story

It had never occurred to me before, and I don’t know why it occurred to me now. We had been asked in a writer’s workshop I was attending to tell a story about bones, possibly broken bones. Well, I have a great broken bone story, so I was ready to dive right in. I would tell the story I’ve told many times before, about the day I shattered my elbow into twenty-five pieces when I was eleven. Our teacher set a timer for fifteen minutes and told us to write what happened.

That’s when it occurred to me, and I have to admit, I felt a little selfish that I’m almost fifty-seven years old, and it had never occurred to me before. I wondered, “What was that day like for my mom?” That’s when I decided to write the story from her perspective. Instead of telling my version of the story, I tried to picture what that day had been like for her. I began to write what I imagined might have happened. I wrote quickly for fifteen minutes and still had more to write when the timer ended.

How it changed me:

Rather than sharing what I wrote that day, I want to share what happened inside of me as I wrote what my mom might have gone through in that season:

Tears began to leak down my cheeks. I actually felt the terror she might have felt when she answered the phone and a strange voice on the other end of the line reported, “Your daughter has been in a bike accident!”

I wondered in writing:

  • What did it feel like for her when the policeman at the accident scene remarked, “Isn’t that her bone sticking out of her arm”?
  • What stress did she endure as a single working mom when her daughter was admitted to the hospital for three weeks?
  • What was it like to worry about the financial burden of two surgeries and countless hours of physical therapy placed on her and her ex-husband?

I felt something swelling inside of me—I’m pretty sure it was empathy for my mother.

The time has come but not passed (thankfully) for me to ask these questions and others about her stories. That day, I concluded my invented story with this observation:

When I was a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. The time has come to think like a grown-up daughter, to wonder about my mother’s story. The time has come to seek and to knock, to ask forgiveness and to forgive, to… Share on X

If you’d like to try writing your mother’s story, I created a full story journal with guidelines, multiple prompts, and a few reflection questions for all of my wonderful Living Story subscribers. You can get that free resource by subscribing here.

If you prefer a briefer version of just this particular prompt, try the instructions below:

 

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How to write a story from your mother’s point of view:

  1. Choose a significant event from your life that your mother was involved in in some way.
  2. Don’t worry about grammar or sentence structure or any “English teacher” type things. Just tell the story.
  3. Try to show what happened:
    • Describe the setting.
    • Write the dialogue: For example: What did the stranger say when he or she called my mom? How did my mom reply?
    • Consider your mother’s season and circumstance and how your life event might have affected her.
  4. Write down everything you can remember about it.
  5. Now, imagine what that event was like for her. See it through her eyes.
  6. At the end, write what you see now about your mother that you did not see before.
  7. Do you see any ways that your love, empathy, and/or forgiveness toward your mom grew through this exercise?
  8. If your mom is still alive, consider asking your mom about this event. Ask her to tell you the story from her point of view.

Questions to consider as you try to write from your mom’s perspective:

  • What would have been her struggles in that situation? What stresses might she have endured? What fears or sorrows might she have had?
  • What would she have said to her husband or her friend that she would not have said to you?

For a joyous event:

  • What would she have celebrated?
  • What would she have been most excited about (Remember, it might not be what you were most excited about!)

Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash

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A Letter to New Moms: What I Wish I Had Known

by | Apr 30, 2019 | Gospel living, Mother's Day, Parenting

A Letter to New Moms: What I Wish I Had Known

It’s not May yet, but Mother’s Day is in less than two weeks. For the next three weeks, we’re going to talk about moms. But if you’re not a mom, please don’t leave:

  • Consider sharing with young moms this week’s letter (you might find yourself nodding even if you’re an “old mom” like me);
  • Stay tuned for next week when we talk about how (and why) to tell some of your stories from your mother’s point of view
  • Snap up five quotes for when parenting is hard.

For today, enjoy these musings on the struggles and joys of being a new mom:

New Moms May Struggle for Control and Competence

The bad news: Out (or in) comes the baby—out flies control and competence! 

As a new mom, you will quickly realize that you have lost control and perhaps a sense of competence. In your former life as an English teacher, you knew what you were doing, but with childbirth, your life is flooded with uncertainty.

  • That 6 hour epidural-free labor you planned — how about a 33-hour pitocin induction instead?
  • That 2-year-old you thought would never scream in the super market? Just hand over the gummy vitamins!

The good news: Being a new mom will humble you — I mean — flat-out-on-the-floor humble. 

Being a new mom will literally drive you to your knees, and while you’re down there fetching toys or changing a diaper, you might as well pray: A LOT! You will become, ironically, like a child, clinging to your Abba Father for moment-by-moment mercy.

Being a new mom will literally drive you to your knees—and while you're there, you might as well pray! #momlife #motherhood Share on X

New Moms May Struggle with a Sense of Shame and Failure

THE BAD NEWS: Being a new mom is a daily exercise in not-enoughness.

  • When that baby won’t sleep through the night the way What to Expect 21st C. edition promised it would, you might feel that you are flawed.
  • When you start shouting because your teething toddler won’t stop screaming, you will know you are flawed!

THE GOOD NEWS: It is good to know you are not-enough. You never were. Christ is enough, more than enough. The freedom and hope of the gospel is that our love and patience and kindness for our children grows as we enjoy God’s love and patience and kindness toward us.

You will grow in your understanding that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), and you will show your child what she most needs to know: in Christ, there is always hope for repentance and forgiveness; we never have to stay in shame or condemnation!

New Moms Don’t Have the Power to Make the Story Go our Way

THE BAD NEWS:  Your parenting story, your child’s story, like the six-hour epidural-free labor you hoped for, will not often turn out the way you imagined it.

As you learn ever so quickly, even if you do things just right, there are no guarantees that what you do is going to “work.”

  • You nurse every two hours, just as the lactation consultant told you, but your milk still isn’t coming in.
  • You teach that 10-month-old-early-walker the word “no,” and you even try to distract her. She pauses long enough to shoot you a look you will see again when she is a teenager. Then she goes ahead and climbs on the kitchen chair.

THE GOOD NEWS: God is writing a better story than we could ever imagine. He is redeeming our hearts as we let go of control and competence, as we humble ourselves and depend on Him, as we rest in his more-than-enough love for us!

From this old mom to all you new moms, take heart. You will likely struggle with some of these heart issues all of your parenting life, but the good news is that God is making all things new, redeeming our hearts and our children’s hearts through the sorrows and the joys.

A Prayer for New Moms

Lord, we bow before you, the only perfect parent. Wrap us, we pray, in your mothering wings, protecting us and nurturing us, even as we seek to nurture these children you have written into our stories. When we think we can’t change one more dirty diaper today or deal with one more toddler tantrum, give us the strength to endure, and the compassion to love. When we feel like complete failures because our kids are disobeying or not working the plan we had written for the day, help us to know your delight in us and our children. As we try to meet our children’s needs, help us to come to you as your children, knowing that you have called all who are weary and heavy-laden. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

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5 Verses for Meditating on Christ’s Sacrifice for Us

by | Apr 16, 2019 | Bible study, Easter, Lent

5 Verses on Meditating on Christ’s Sacrifice for Us

It’s a crazy story when you think about it—a perfect Savior dies for a people who are, shall we say, less than perfect—or, let’s be honest—just plain sinful? As Easter approaches, take some time to meditate on the surprising sacrifice Christ made for us.

2 Corinthians 5:21

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

1 John 3:16

This is how we have come to know love: He laid down his life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.

Ephesians 5:2

And walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Romans 3:25

For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.

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Jesus, Foot Washing, and Servant Leadership: A Devotional

by | Mar 26, 2019 | Devotional, Leadership, Lent

Jesus, Foot Washing, and Servant Leadership: A Devotional

“Lord, do you wash my feet?” John 13:6

 

Our elder son will never forget the words Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-fil-A, Inc., addressed to him after his job interview there. Touring the facility with the vice-president who interviewed him, they arrived at the “treehouse,” the then ninety-one-year-old’s office. After a brief conversation, Mr. Cathy looked at our son and said, “I look forward to serving with you.” Our son had two (inward) responses:

  1. Does that mean I got the job?! and
  2. Wait, don’t you mean, “You look forward to me serving you?”

With his words, Mr. Cathy had demonstrated the principle of servant leadership that derives from Chick-fil-A, Inc.’s mission statement.

That story always reminds me of Peter’s response when Jesus approached him to wash his feet (John 13). Peter objects, not wanting Jesus to stoop so low as to serve him in such a menial way. Jesus gently rebukes Peter, instructing his followers about servant leadership in the kingdom of God. Let’s revisit the story.

Jesus: The Ultimate Servant Leader

The time, Jesus knows, has now come, for him to depart this world. Even as he is enjoying his feast with his beloved disciples, he is eager to prepare them for their new life of service. He rises from his place at the table, removes his outer garment, and wraps a towel around his waist. Now dressed as a servant, he begins doing what only a servant, or a wife, or a child, the lowliest in the hierarchy of that culture would do—washing feet. At this point, Peter raises his objection. As we continue the story, we learn five realities about Christ’s servant leaders:

Five Characteristics of Servant Leaders:

  1. Servant leaders must be willing to be weak, even despicably so. In removing his outer garment (John 13:4), kneeling before his friends, and taking their dirty feet into his hands, Jesus performs the role of the weakest and most despised in his culture—a servant. Jesus’ menial act is the basis of Peter’s objection, just as it was the basis of my son’s objection to Mr. Cathy.
  2. Servant leaders serve even in times of travail and turmoil. Jesus washes his disciples’ feet, knowing that he is facing the torment of the Cross and separation from his Father, not to mention separation from his beloved friends. Jesus washes his disciples’ feet, knowing that some will betray him in coming days. Trials do not excuse us from servant leadership.
  3. Servant leaders open themselves to the care of Jesus and others. When Peter objects to Jesus’ washing of him, Jesus responds, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me” (John 13:8, ESV). It is Jesus who empowers us to serve others. Without receiving his care and love, we have no love to share.
  4. Servant leaders serve because Jesus first served us, just as we love because Jesus first loved us (1 John 4:7-8). Jesus washes his disciples’ feet to illustrate a spiritual point—he alone can cleanse them from their sin. Then he instructs them, “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet” (John 13:14). Jesus’ foot washing is more than an example to the servant leader; it is the empowerment for servant leadership. Because we have the riches of his grace, we pour them out on others.
  5. Servant leaders will get down and dirty, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Jesus calls his disciples to go into all the world, even the uncomfortable and unfamiliar world. To wash another’s feet may mean sitting on the sidewalk next to the homeless man while he eats the chicken sandwich we brought him; or it may mean enduring the stench of urine in the nursing home as we visit residents there. It may mean entering messy conversations or not exiting miry conflicts.

As you ponder Christ’s sacrifice on the Cross, do not miss meditating on his sacrificial service to his disciples. Let us serve because he first served us, just as we love because he first loved us!

A Prayer about Servant Leadership

Prayer: Lord Jesus, you not only showed us the way to servant leadership, you dug the path for us by your death on the Cross. Thank you for lowering yourself that we might be raised to new life. Help us to follow you into the down and dirty places you call us to lead. In your saving name we ask. Amen.

Further Encouragement: John 13:1-17; Philippians 2:1-11.

For Reflection:

  • How do you feel about having your feet washed, literally or spiritually? What encouragement or conviction does this passage bring you?
  • In which of the five areas of servant leadership would you like to grow? Ask God to help you in this area.

Listen: Take My Life and Let It Be, written by Frances Havergal

Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash

Preparing for Easter: A Lent Encouragement

by | Mar 11, 2019 | Bible study, Easter, Lent, Seasons & Holidays

As we continue to prepare our hearts to celebrate the Resurrection, my friend, writer Suzanne Marshall, author of two studies for Lent, joins us with a guest blog about how to awaken our hearts to Easter. 

As hard as it is to believe, Easter is just around the corner. Spring clothes, baskets and family gatherings come to mind. These colorful scenes, though, are followed by more solemn ones. I stand with the congregation Easter morning, trying to rev my heart  during the alleluias, while deep down I know that I’m not all that joyful and thankful. What happened to my soul’s love?

In Luke 7, we read about Simon, a church leader, who must have allowed his love for God to wane as well. Simon invites Jesus to eat dinner with him at his house, and while the two men recline at the table, a prostitute stands behind Jesus. She clasps an alabaster vial of perfume and weeps. Tears course down her cheeks and fall onto Jesus’ feet. She drops to wipe her tears with her hair, and so moved, she pours the perfume and adds her kisses as she washes his feet. Simon secretly reasons that Jesus couldn’t be a prophet, because he obviously isn’t savvy enough to know that the woman with her hands all over his feet is one of those kind of women.

Jesus knows Simon’s thoughts and leads his host through a parable, to help Simon see himself and the woman more accurately. Jesus’ story unfolds. Two people owed money to a banker. One owed fifty coins and the other owed five hundred. The banker tore up both loans, forgiving the debts.

“So which of them will love him more?” Jesus asks.

“I suppose the one whom he forgave more,” Simon answers (Luke 7:42-43).

Then, turning toward the woman, Jesus says to Simon,

“Do you see this woman? 

I entered your house. You gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.  

You gave me no kiss of greeting, but from the time I entered she has not stopped kissing my feet. 

You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with perfumed oil. 

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which were many, are forgiven, thus she loved much; but the one who is forgiven little loves little” (Luke 7:44-47).

Did you catch that Jesus turns to the woman, not Simon, as he replies to Simon’s answer? Jesus extends love and forgiveness to the woman in his gaze, the same love that liberates her and moves her to adoration. Jesus does not look down at Simon or shake his finger at him but asks if he saw the woman. Does Simon see her as a person, with worth? Does he see her love in action, love given because of love received? Jesus points out what Simon cannot see, that he is sinful and needs forgiveness as much as the prostitute does. The difference between Simon and the woman is that she recognizes her sin, but Simon doesn’t recognize his.

The reason my love lags on Easter is because, like Simon, I have lost sight of the extent of my sin and of God’s astounding love in forgiving and accepting me. How can I recapture my gratitude and celebrate Easter in sincere joy? Like the early fathers and others through the centuries, I can prepare my heart for Easter. I begin weeks in advance, just as I prepare for Christmas during Advent. The season of Easter preparation is called Lent. Many Protestants are returning to Lent, not to earn salvation, but to appreciate salvation.

During Lent, we pray and fast. A fast may be a limitation of food or drink or a giving up of some other daily part of our lives. Some people choose to take up an action instead of abstaining from something. Practicing Lent with these intentions of giving-up or taking-up engages our bodies; in this way, our soul is powerfully awakened to attend. Just as Jesus pointed to the woman’s actions to help Simon recognize his need, our Lord uses our intentions as tools to reveal our need and his fathomless love.

Do you yearn to greet Easter with the joy of first love? Consider engaging in Lent this year. Though the season began last Wednesday, it’s never too late to dive in. Let us sing joyful alleluias to our King.

Note: Four years ago, I sought a Lenten devotional but did not find one that met my needs. The Lord then prompted me to write the lessons He would teach me during Lent. The next year, I combined these lessons into a devotional, Running to the Empty Tomb: Finding the Joy in Easter. Many people who purchased the devotional were unfamiliar with Lent, so I also wrote and led A Bible Study for Your Easter Journey. The study corresponds with the devotional and more fully explains participation in Lent. An Answer Guide with suggested answers to the Bible study may be viewed for free on my website, SuzanneDmarshall.com, under the Publications tab.

Photo by Suzanne Marshall

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