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5 Gospel Guidelines for Graduates and their Parents

by | May 21, 2019 | Gospel living, Parenting

5 Gospel Guidelines for Graduates and their Parents

Have you ever noticed the swirl of May??? There is Mother’s Day, yes, but with it, a barrage of events that remind you, not just moms, but kids, and all those who love them—change is coming!

Your five-year-old is graduating from kindergarten—a new story is beginning. If  your senior goes to summer school, they’ll actually put a diploma in that cover they handed her when she strutted successfully across the Civic Center in those stiletto heels.

Pin the Tail on the Donkey and the Disorientation of Graduation

Maybe it’s just because I’m a mom of four children, but May has always been the month of disorientation. It’s like you’ve landed in a four-year-old birthday party, been blindfolded, spun around three to thirty times, armed with a Velcro dart, and shoved off to try to pin the donkey target-tail.

It always seemed a little harsh to me, a bunch of grownups and kids laughing and yelling at the staggering four-year-old as she wandered toward the bushes. (Maybe I’m just more sensitive because spinning nauseates me).

I know a lot of people who feel like that bandana-blinded four-year-old right now. Maybe you are like her, stumbling around, trying to peek through the blindfold without anyone seeing you. Maybe you’re frustrated because your friends are laughing at you instead of offering some helpful direction about where to stick that donkey’s tail so you can collect your fidget-spinner reward.

What is disorientation?

Psychologists and biblical scholars call this experience disorientation. Walter Brueggeman describes the disorientation expressed in the Psalms:

“Human experience includes those dangerous and difficult times of dislocation and disorientation when the sky does fall and the world does come to an end.” Brueggeman, The Psalms and the Life of Faith

Although admittedly on a smaller scale, the end of the school year brings the sky-falling, world-ending events that cause the swirl of disorientation. As endings rush toward us, and new beginnings loom on the horizon, we may feel loss of the past, confusion about the present, and uncertainty or anxiety about the future.

5 ways the gospel helps the disoriented:

  1. Stand still.(Psalm 46:10). Let the equilibrium be restored. The days are flying by, between celebrations and final work to do. Make a quiet place to meditate on Psalm 46, “Be still and know that I am God,” (v. 10). Rest.
  2. Focus on the point.(Hebrews 12:1-3).Once, on a small boat in rough seas, an old seamen told me to keep my eyes focused on the horizon to avoid seasickness. As Christians, our stability comes from focusing on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Remember that God’s redemptive work in the past will continue into the present. That hope will give you the sea legs to take one step at a time toward the future.The gospel offers courage and hope to slow the spin in this cosmic game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey Share on X
  3. Listen to good counsel. (Proverbs 19:20). Some of those voices in the crowd are actually trying to help you find the donkey tail (probably your mom’s ;-)! Listen carefully for the ones you can trust (including the Spirit’s of course) to give you wise counsel, and take small steps.
  4. Ask for help.(1 Thessalonians 5:17). Ask everyone you know to pray. Write it on your graduation invitation, “No gifts please. Only hourly prayers—for wisdom, sanity, hope, kindness, clarity.” (Okay. I know that’s over-the-top. You could write, “Registered at Target. Please add prayers to any material gifts.”)
  5. Consider your goals—and the reward. (Philippians 3:12-14). Pinning the tail on the donkey might get you some gummi bears, but courageously stepping into the future brings the opportunity to re-evaluate your goals and their rewards. Asking yourself how your next goal fits with your calling to glorify God and enjoy him forever can bring a new level of hope even in uncertainty.

(For more on goals and calling, check here, here, and here.)[Check these links]Help us to stop swirling and staggering bc we’re listening to too many voices and none of them yours. Share on X

A Prayer for the Disoriented

Lord, we confess, our stomachs are sour with our uncertainty and doubt. What we’ve known is ending, and we don’t know if we like what comes next, or maybe we don’t even know what does come next. Help us to stop swirling and staggering because we’re listening to too many voices at once and none of them yours. Give us the guidance we need to go where you would have us go. Help us to take off our blindfolds, read your Word, remember the stories of your faithfulness, and walk in the ways you have carved for us.Help! Still our hearts. Orient us toward your Living Story, the story of redemption and restoration that you’ve written in your kingdom.

Thank you for saving us for yourself. Thank you for peace that surpasses all comprehension. Thank you for your good and perfect will. In the name of our precious Savior, Amen.

Photo Credit: REDD COLUMBIA OF RC CLUSTER pin the tail on the donkey, Flicker Creative Commons

 

5 Quotes for When Parenting Is Hard

by | May 14, 2019 | Gospel living, Marriage, Mother's Day, Parenting

5 Quotes for When Parenting Is Hard

In the third post of our series about mothers, we include mothers and fathers and grandparents.

As we all know, parenting isn’t always cute coos and infant smiles. When the toddler or teenage screams overwhelm you, when parenting is hard, these five quotes from parents and grandparents will encourage you.

Ann Voskamp

I never expected that a mother’s labor and delivery never ends — and you never stop having to remember to breathe.
I didn’t know that taking the path of most resistance often leads to the most reward.
I didn’t know that you kids would birth me deeper into God and I didn’t know that you’d drive me crazy and I didn’t know how you’d drive me to the Cross….
And the Gospel has never stopped being the good news headline that I’ve needed every day because I’ve been the one breaking.

Scotty Smith

Dear heavenly Father, yet again we turn to you as the designer and builder of all things, including the lives of our children and grandchildren. Thank you for reminding us that our children are a gift, not a project.
At times you’ve had to use a gospel wrecking ball on my parenting style in order to build something more lasting and beautiful. That process continues. But even when I’m overbearing or under believing, disengaged or too enmeshed, I am thankful to know that you remain faithful and loving.
Continue to rescue me from relational “laboring in vain” — assuming a burden you never intended parents to bear. Father, only you can reveal the glory and grace of Jesus to our children.

Scott Sauls

It is hard for a controlling type-A to surrender anything, especially the author rights to his own children’s stories.

And yet, if their stories were to unfold in unexpected ways — having dreams go unfulfilled, experiencing loss, being brokenhearted, enduring a spiritual crisis — hope would not be lost, because God would still be in control of things. And it is always better for God to be in control of things than for us to be in control of things.

Dan Allender

Nothing my son or daughters will do can alter the plan and passion of God. There are ultimately no mistakes in life. There are sins and failures, to be sure, but no mistakes. And nothing that is inscribed in the text of one’s life is not ultimately authored by a merciful God….
The collapse of our dreams or their rise, the kindness and fidelity of those we love, are all the scribbling of a genius God.

Judy Douglass

How? For me, this became the question God kept before me: Could I continue to receive this boy as a gift? Slowly the Father opened my eyes and heart to see the many ways God had blessed me.

He drove me into God’s arms….
My heavenly Father welcomed me into his loving arms, captured all my tears, listened to me cry out, yell at him, and beg him. When I was ready to give up, he held me up with his righteous right arm, sharing his strength and courage with me.

He taught me to pray.

I’m a ministry leader. I thought I knew how to pray. But this boy kept me on my knees. Yes, I asked, beseeched, and pleaded. And I lamented. I confessed. I reminded God what his Word said. I thanked. I listened. All of the above, almost all the time.

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A Letter to New Moms: What I Wish I Had Known

by | Apr 30, 2019 | Gospel living, Mother's Day, Parenting

A Letter to New Moms: What I Wish I Had Known

It’s not May yet, but Mother’s Day is in less than two weeks. For the next three weeks, we’re going to talk about moms. But if you’re not a mom, please don’t leave:

  • Consider sharing with young moms this week’s letter (you might find yourself nodding even if you’re an “old mom” like me);
  • Stay tuned for next week when we talk about how (and why) to tell some of your stories from your mother’s point of view
  • Snap up five quotes for when parenting is hard.

For today, enjoy these musings on the struggles and joys of being a new mom:

New Moms May Struggle for Control and Competence

The bad news: Out (or in) comes the baby—out flies control and competence! 

As a new mom, you will quickly realize that you have lost control and perhaps a sense of competence. In your former life as an English teacher, you knew what you were doing, but with childbirth, your life is flooded with uncertainty.

  • That 6 hour epidural-free labor you planned — how about a 33-hour pitocin induction instead?
  • That 2-year-old you thought would never scream in the super market? Just hand over the gummy vitamins!

The good news: Being a new mom will humble you — I mean — flat-out-on-the-floor humble. 

Being a new mom will literally drive you to your knees, and while you’re down there fetching toys or changing a diaper, you might as well pray: A LOT! You will become, ironically, like a child, clinging to your Abba Father for moment-by-moment mercy.

Being a new mom will literally drive you to your knees—and while you're there, you might as well pray! #momlife #motherhood Share on X

New Moms May Struggle with a Sense of Shame and Failure

THE BAD NEWS: Being a new mom is a daily exercise in not-enoughness.

  • When that baby won’t sleep through the night the way What to Expect 21st C. edition promised it would, you might feel that you are flawed.
  • When you start shouting because your teething toddler won’t stop screaming, you will know you are flawed!

THE GOOD NEWS: It is good to know you are not-enough. You never were. Christ is enough, more than enough. The freedom and hope of the gospel is that our love and patience and kindness for our children grows as we enjoy God’s love and patience and kindness toward us.

You will grow in your understanding that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), and you will show your child what she most needs to know: in Christ, there is always hope for repentance and forgiveness; we never have to stay in shame or condemnation!

New Moms Don’t Have the Power to Make the Story Go our Way

THE BAD NEWS:  Your parenting story, your child’s story, like the six-hour epidural-free labor you hoped for, will not often turn out the way you imagined it.

As you learn ever so quickly, even if you do things just right, there are no guarantees that what you do is going to “work.”

  • You nurse every two hours, just as the lactation consultant told you, but your milk still isn’t coming in.
  • You teach that 10-month-old-early-walker the word “no,” and you even try to distract her. She pauses long enough to shoot you a look you will see again when she is a teenager. Then she goes ahead and climbs on the kitchen chair.

THE GOOD NEWS: God is writing a better story than we could ever imagine. He is redeeming our hearts as we let go of control and competence, as we humble ourselves and depend on Him, as we rest in his more-than-enough love for us!

From this old mom to all you new moms, take heart. You will likely struggle with some of these heart issues all of your parenting life, but the good news is that God is making all things new, redeeming our hearts and our children’s hearts through the sorrows and the joys.

A Prayer for New Moms

Lord, we bow before you, the only perfect parent. Wrap us, we pray, in your mothering wings, protecting us and nurturing us, even as we seek to nurture these children you have written into our stories. When we think we can’t change one more dirty diaper today or deal with one more toddler tantrum, give us the strength to endure, and the compassion to love. When we feel like complete failures because our kids are disobeying or not working the plan we had written for the day, help us to know your delight in us and our children. As we try to meet our children’s needs, help us to come to you as your children, knowing that you have called all who are weary and heavy-laden. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

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Planning to Live Your Story 2019

by | Dec 31, 2018 | Gospel Coaching, Gospel living, Learning Story, Work

Planning to Live Your Story 2019

Planning Can Be Fun

Welcome to 2019! Who’s excited?!
I know, not everyone.
I love the new year though. I do not make resolutions, knowing that I am more of a promise-breaker than a promise-keeper!
I do, however, love thumbing through the glossy pages of my new calendar and prayer calendar/journal, envisioning the stories that will be marked there in the coming year.

Even as I conceive of the things God might do in the coming year, I recall the “wonderful works,” “the great deeds,” the “abundant goodness” (Psalm 145:5-7) he has already completed in the year past. And to think, he has more of the same planned for us in the coming year:

Planning for 2019

All this newness lying ahead of us in the days marked out on our calendars, yes, but even more, by God….how can we not be swooped up in the hope? My heart pumps fresh blood to the muscles, my mind quickens with fertile imagination—what is this amazing brand new thing I get to do—and in partnership with God, who has planned these good works in advance (Ephesians 2:10)?

Not only that, this kind of planning is failsafe—even if our labors are not fruitful, God’s plans do produce abundant fruit. Two years ago, I planted some seeds for a new prayer planner; I tilled the soil with prayer and preparation. That garden, however, was not the one God wanted to grow.

Instead, he planted my family and me in what seemed more like a desert—a waiting room, many waiting rooms, where he would nourish our hearts through suffering and sorrow, where he would grow good, sturdy, surprising fruit that would sustain us for years to come. Here’s the thing—whatever happens to the plans we make for the coming year, God’s plan and plans never fail to yield an abundant crop of goodness and glory. (Jeremiah 29:11).

So yes, let’s make plans. And let’s place them on God’s altar, as Mary did so long ago, praying a simple prayer:

“I am the Lord’s servant; be it unto me according to thy Word” (Luke 1:38).

The Story Plan Exercise

Now, let’s get practical—let’s start planning! Today, I’m going to share with you a novel tool I created to help you create goals and plans.

Note: If you are a subscriber, you will receive (for free) my subscribers’ most-prized tool of all time: the Story Plan Exercise: eight beautifully laid out pages with prompts and tools and space to write and pray and plan. Soooo…if you’ve been thinking about subscribing but haven’t yet, now would be the time (I promise not to bombard you with lots of emails)!

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But if you’re not a subscriber and don’t really want to be—good news!  I’m going to walk you through the “no-frills” version here:

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The “Where Have I Been, Where Am I Going” Planning Exercise

Background: This enlightening exercise helps us survey what God has done in the past and draws us to look for what he will do in the future. When we are persuaded that God is presently working his kingdom plan, we are motivated to set goals and keep running the race toward them with endurance.

Suggestions: Either schedule out four thirty-minute periods over the next week or one two-three-hour planning session (put it on your calendar or it won’t happen). Or, gather for a planning session with some friends or your small group or your spouse; work together and separately on it.

Part 1

  1. Ask, “Where have I been?”
  2. Pray. Ask God to remind you of the significant events, changes, accomplishments, and losses of the past year.
  3. Write down your top three in a short sentence or phrase. (Remember, things actually change in our brain when we write).
  4. Look at major areas of your life (relationships, spiritual and emotional health, work, finances, play) and write two-three sentences about changes you saw, for better or for worse, in 2018. (In the Story Plan Exercise, I provide a fancy grid for this, but you can make your own).

Part 2

  1. Ask, “Where are you going?”
  2. Pray. “Lord, show me where to go.”
  3. Write down the top three events/stories/challenges/goals you would like to see accomplished in 2019.
  4. Look at major areas of your life (relationships, spiritual and emotional health, work, finances, play) and write two-three sentences about changes you want to see in 2019.

Part 3: Write Your Story

  1. Pray about which story to write.
  2. Now, write for ten minutes. Choose one of the top three and write an imaginative story as if the goal were accomplished. Date it: January 1, 2020.

Here is my example:
Prayer: Lord, show me which goals matter to you the most.
Ex. I want to hear from at least ten people that my devotional, The Waiting Room, helped them find peace and hope as they waited during a health crisis.
So my story, which I hope to share with you later this week, will be “fictional” but also a faithful, hopeful account of how that happened.

To help you write the story, you can answer the following questions:

  1. What concrete actions did you take?
  2. What challenges did you meet?
  3. What actions did you take to overcome the challenges?
  4. Who prayed for you, encouraged you, kept you going?
  5. What did you see God do in the process?

Part 4: Make Your Plan
(In the Story Plan Exercise, there’s also a nifty chart for this, but you can make your own:-).

  1. Review the “imaginary actions” you took to accomplish your goal.
  2. Make your plan of action. Write down three things:
  • What four-five steps do I need to take?
  • Next to each step, write the date for it to be completed.
  • Put a reminder on your calendar to make a note about the outcome—if you completed the step and what happened if you did.

So, now, you know what to do! If you try it, I’d love to know how it works for you, what you learn through doing it, how I could improve it (there’s always room for improvement!)

A Prayer about Making Goals and Plans in 2019

Lord God,

We are so glad that you are the ruler over our lives. You planned and created the world, and yet, you have taken the time to make plans for the good works we will do to advance your kingdom. Thank you for the opportunities you give us. Thank you for the grace you show us. Help us to live the story of faith, hope, and love you have written for us. Amen.

Finding Holy in the Suburbs: Book Review

by | Oct 23, 2018 | Books, Gospel living

Finding Holy in the Suburbs: Book Review

Can you find “holy” in the suburbs?

Whether you are a suburbanite or a city-dweller, Ashley Hales’ new volume, Finding Holy in the Suburbs: Living Faithfully in the Land of Too Much, will invite and challenge you to consider what it means to live faithfully in a world of “too much,” consumerism, individualism, busyness, etc. In each carefully crafted chapter, she sheds light on how suburban and, (I would add), urban life can interfere with being a faithful citizen of God’s kingdom. Ashley calls us to a life of worshipping God more than soccer schedules and success ladders, a life of loving neighbors more than our well-insulated castles in the cul-de-sac.

Ashley plunges right in to the deep end describing how our granite countertops and the myriad consumer relics we crave have replaced golden calves as our contemporary idols:

And like all false gods—from golden calves to a Target haul—when we find worth by our affluence, it promises rest but brings stress, increasing demands, and a greater devotion to a god that will never love us and always forsake us (p.28).

After raising awareness of the contemporary golden calves we are tempted to consume, Ashley discusses the dangers of individualism, busyness, and safety, other idols found in suburbanites’ modern-day temples. Now that she’s got us squirming, Ashley invites us to repentance and encourages us with the sweet reminder of our belovedness:

God is that gentle parent who prepares a place for us. God—the one who is infinitely powerful, just, and merciful—looks at you like a starry-eyed parent fluffing pillows and washing sheets. You are his beloved (p. 90).

Throughout the book, She gives practical suggestions for moving toward God and others with chapters on belovedness, hospitality, generosity, vulnerability, and of course, my favorite— shalom.

Ashley’s gift for retelling the true story of Scripture will delight and surprise you. She reminds us that the Bible is not merely an ancient tome of tales but the actual history of God’s faithfulness to his people. Her interweaving of Scripture with sociology and theology strengthens her prophetic call. As she weaves this beautiful tapestry, Ashley draws us to repent from our indulgence in too-much-ness and invites us to return to worshipping the God who made us beloved and hospitable, generous and vulnerable.

Perhaps my favorite part of the book, though, is the section at the end of each chapter called “Practices,” what Ashley describes as “counterliturgies: new habits of seeing, being, and doing.” In this section, Ashley offers four-five practical suggestions for living out repentance in the areas she has discussed in that chapter. For example, in Chapter Two, I starred:

Get outside yourself. Begin imagining what practices you could take up that move you toward other people. Schedule thirty minutes to be available to your neighborhood. Notice its needs. Introduce yourself to a neighbor.

The practices she suggests are doable, practical, and effective. One of the practices led me to invite all of my neighbors over for an open house. Since our kids have grown up and moved away, we have few interactions with our neighbors; sadly, I wouldn’t recognize many of them if I saw them in the grocery store. Although I was a little nervous when the day came, around eighteen of my neighbors stopped in and ended up staying awhile. In this day of bitter divisiveness, it was a sweet gift of shalom, of hope for the day when every tribe, tongue, and people group will gather together to worship the Lord.

Although I may disagree that the -ism’s described in the book are unique to the suburban story (I think they look a little different in the city but still exist), and although I felt called outside my comfort zone often as I read (I needed to be), I highly recommend Finding Holy in the Suburbs. Ashley Hales is a modern-day prophet, holding up a mirror to help us see the terrifying image of what our golden calves might do to us if we continue to swallow their dust.  She gently and kindly invites us to run to the God who is running toward us. Together with God and others, she proclaims, we will celebrate redemption and move kindly into the world with a love that truly transforms.

Finding Holy in the Suburbs

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Photo by Blake Wheeler on Unsplash

When Church Leaders Fail: Four Healthy Responses

by | Oct 16, 2018 | Church, Gospel living, Leadership, Spiritual Growth

When Church Leaders Fail: Four Healthy Responses

Church Leader Fails

Pastor Bars Co-Pastor from Missionary Journey after Heated Argument!

Phillippi Community Church: Beloved Female Leaders Hurl Twitter Barbs. Pastor Steps In!

Can you imagine the headlines that would have been written about just these two stories of church leader failures from the Bible (Acts 15:36-41, Philippians 4:2-3)?! The twitter wars among Christians and the dog and cat fights of local congregations may be fought differently these days, but they are not original with the 21st Century church.

As we come to the end of this (I hope) encouraging and informative series on the church, we need to consider one more crucial topic – how to respond when church leaders fail us.

Church leader failures aren't a new thing: they date all the way back to Adam and Eve. #church #gospel #ministry Share on X

Unhelpful Responses to Church Leader Failure

How do we, as the church, respond when our leaders fail – us and one another? Here are some unhelpful strategies I’ve tried in the past:

  1. The ostrich response: I want to bury my head in the sand. I don’t like conflict among people I love and respect, and I just want everyone to get along.
  1. The mosh pit response: I want to jump in the melee of all the tweets by favoriting witticisms that defend one party or the other.
  2. The in-the-know response: I want to learn all I can about the conflict so I can share my vast knowledge and profound opinion.

4 Helpful Responses to Church Leader Failure

As the Holy Spirit daily sanctifies us and as we are led by wise gospel-breathing souls who scent the social media air with gospel aroma and godly counsel, we move to a sounder approach. Consider these four helpful ways to respond to conflict between church leaders:

1.  Begin with Scripture: Where leaders are differing over theological doctrine, study Scripture yourself to find out what it says.

  • If the public dissension is about law and grace, for example, read what the Bible says about it. Find and review Scripture passages that tell about law and grace, obedience and good works, justification and sanctification.
  • Pray that the Holy Spirit would enlighten your mind as you read.

2.  Pray for all parties concerned. Rather than taking sides or favoriting witty remarks or writing witty remarks, humble yourself and pray.

Here are some things to pray for your church leaders, failed or not:

  • Thank God for these ministers of the gospel.
  • Pray that they will work through their division.
  • Pray for their personal spiritual growth.
  • Pray for protection from temptation. Do you ever stop to think how many temptations must face “big-name” Christian leaders? I realized I don’t — not often enough.

 The ostrich response: one unhelpful way to respond to church leadership failures. #churchleader #church #ministry Share on X

3. Pray for yourself, for humility and repentance. Try praying Philippians 2:1-5.

  • Pray for humility.
  • Repent of idolatry of Christian leaders and writers. Remember that they are redeemed sinners, just as we are. Many of us tend to place unrealistic expectations on such leaders.

4. Love fallen leaders well. Let’s not forget that Satan loves to attack unity, and failure by a church leader is a prime target for the entire congregation and for each individual.

  • If the harm is deep, don’t gossip or grow bitter. Talk to a wise and trusted friend or counselor about the harm. Walk with another through the process of forgiveness.
  • When and if the time is right (the Holy Spirit will be your guide), tell the leader how they have harmed you, don’t accuse them. Invite them to look at their sin and to return to fellowship with you.
  • Seek reconciliation, but know that you may have to wait for it. (Romans 12:17-18).

A Prayer about Fallen Church Leaders

Lord, Jesus Christ,

You are the only leader of the church who has never failed your followers. Forgive us, we pray, for our failures to love well when the church fails us. Help us to run to your outstretched arms, to hear your wise counsel, and to move toward others with your strength, mercy, and love. Amen