Our daughter doesn't need a big brother watching her nor does she need room design advice!

As far as I’m concerned, every parent can get through the hardest moments in life with two essential tools:

1. Duct tape.

2. Prayer.

I became well-acquainted with the latter when my eldest arrived in the world as a very strong-willed baby. My friend Debbie had a similarly tempered daughter ten months older than he, so I regularly phoned her and asked questions like, “Debbie, did —- ever bite another child?” (That was at about 6 months). Or, “Debbie, did —- ever try to steal another kid’s tricycle – while they were riding it?” What did you do?

Her answer I’ll never forget, because it was the same almost every time, “Oh, I don’t remember what I did, but I know I prayed.”

Yesterday the day came to move our third child, second daughter, into the dorm, and though I have lots of practical experience now, the emotional part doesn’t get one bit easier. Just in case some of you are about to do this for the first time, I offer these words of wisdom:

1. Send an older sibling with them. Pay that sibling a monthly stipend to smooth the way for the younger. In our case, this didn’t require transferring the older one from another school. Our daughter is blessed to have an elder brother who has a heart to protect and care for his sister, as well as a clever mind that figures out the best parking place for unloading (in this case, the stadium plaza – okay, questionable, but he got approval from the police officer:). (This is the same older sibling I used to call my friend about when they were young). If you can’t convince any of the older siblings to return to or transfer colleges, pray (or pay) for another person on campus to take your child under their wing.

2. Take charge. Contrary to popular belief, now is not the time to let your daughter grow her independence. If you’re the mom, tell everyone what to do and when to do it. Design the floor plan and stick with it whether they like it or not. Okay, that’s a bad joke. Pray that you’ll be able to hold your tongue when your daughter and her roommate decide to put the refrigerator on top of the chest of drawers (which did not happen in our case because these girls worked brilliantly together:!).  (Duct tape for your mouth might also come in handy.)

3. Do nothing. Now is the time for your daughter to grow up. Bring that chair you used to use at soccer games and a good book. Set it up  in the middle of her room while she and her roommate lug all the stuff in and unpack.  No again. I think you get my point — Pray that you will find the right place between being helpful and being overbearing.

4. Expect sabotage. Things will go wrong. Coffee will be spilled on the overnight bag containing the most necessary possessions to get through the next few days. You will fight over things like where to put a coffeemaker or who packed the shower curtain. When you see it coming, Pray. When you realize you’re about to get picky about something that really doesn’t matter, get out the duct tape — and pray. (See above).

5. Get in and get out. The time to say good-bye is when things are in fairly good order but there are still some things left to do. When that moment arrives, do it and go. A long walk back to the family mini-van might make them want to jump in the vehicle (a move which you may think you want, but you don’t:) If at all possible (pray), wait till you’re on the road to cry. Pray. Don’t worry, you will not be sad forever, within the first week, they will call and tell you something outlandish, like they got a parking ticket for leaving their car on the stadium plaza.

It’s over. I needed to go in my daughter’s room last night to look for something, and yes, a tear or two dropped. But I’m thrilled as I pray for the exciting day she has ahead of her. I really just have one big problem. We had one last Mother-Daughter bonding session on Saturday. I needed some new exercise gear, and Dick’s Sporting Goods had a big sale. She convinced me not to buy anything too matchy-matchy. So this morning I got up and pulled out a pair of shorts and a shirt that I would never wear together. Unfortunately, the combination has not been pre-approved by my fashion adviser. Does this match?:)

Does this match?:)!!!

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