Why Forgive and Forget Misses the Point

Learning Your Story as an Ambassador of Reconciliation.

Today, I interrupt the Parenting Your Child’s Story to bring you this on redemption, reconciliation and forgiveness. I’m preparing this week’s Learning God’s Story of Grace lesson for Chapter 5, Redemption, and found this topic too important not to share.

We have heard “forgive and forget” for so long, but that is not really the gospel. When we say forget, we really usually mean minimizing – saying it wasn’t that big of a deal. But when we know that God created us in his image, the harm of a human being becomes about marring glory. We must name the wrecking of shalom to see how large God’s grace in Jesus Christ really is. Listen to this wonderful excerpt from an excellent article on the topic by Jonathan Dodson:

It’s Better to Forgive than Forget by Jonathan Dodson

Contrary to the popular saying, the gospel does not call us to “forgive and forget.” Forgiving and forgetting, is code for cheap sorry’s and faking a bad memory. The reality is that sin is really hard to forget, especially when you are sinned against. Funny, you’d think our sins against others would be more memorable! All too often, when I sin against my wife, resolve to be more sensitive and kind-hearted, I end up forgetting how I offended her and repeat the offense a few weeks later! Why? Because I forgot! True forgiveness stands taller in the presence of sin. Grace shines brighter in the darkness of offense. But don’t misread me here. We should neither minimize not maximize sin, throw out cheap sorry’s or berate one another with our memories. However, without the memory of sin, there is no need for forgiveness. The trick is to remember our sins, not other’s sins!