It's hard to be angry and yet not sin with our children.
“ 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.” (I Timothy 1:15-16)
This post is continued – sorry to have left the child-sinners hanging on Friday, but I wanted to save the most important point for last. (When my daughter saw the title of my post on Facebook, she wrote, ‘This should be interesting!:).
As parents, we are the “chief” sinners (for more on the concept of leaders as chief sinners, see Dan Allender’s Leading with a Limp). This is because we know more and have lived longer. It is our job to ask forgiveness first when we have done harm to one of our children. I have many stories to illustrate this point, but I’ll settle on one:
Many years ago, I lost my temper with one of my children – AGAIN. I knew I had blown it, and I sent him to his room for time-out before I did any further harm. I prayed (that sounds calmer than it was – more like, “God! HELP!” through clenched teeth). When I had cooled slightly, I visited his room to deliver my apology. “I am really sorry. I lost my temper.”
His words still rattle me as I think about how easy and devastating it would have been to walk through the easy exit he gave me: “Yeah, but mom, if I hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have…” I stopped him with an answer the Holy Spirit must have put in me, because I wouldn’t have thought of it on my own: “Son, your sin is yours to deal with before God and me, but my sin is mine to deal with. I cannot blame my sin on you. I need to ask God’s forgiveness and yours.”
That’s the gospel. We parents sin. We sin more when we blame our children for our sin. We do need to ask forgiveness when we wrong them. How else will they learn the humility to ask forgiveness for themselves? I wish there were some easier way to teach this, but there’s not. And more importantly, as “ambassadors of reconciliation,” it is more than a parenting lesson, it is a calling. That good news will be our topic tomorrow.
