Why Inviting Others into Your Grief Matters

Have you ever had say something completely insensitive to you when you were grieving a loss? In today’s blog, we consider why we need to take the risk of inviting others to grieve with us, even when they may get it wrong. (This is an outtake from From Recovery to Restoration, because I accidentally wrote 61 meditations instead of 60!).

Letting Others Weep with Us

Weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15, ESV

When her nine-year-old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia, Malea often met with awkward responses. One friend was so distraught upon hearing the news that Malea had to comfort her in the church parking lot for ten minutes. Another friend spotted her in the grocery store then turned quickly and scurried away. A hospital visitor told her about a distant cousin who had recently died of leukemia. When we are in the midst of crisis, people will not always respond helpfully. Even so, Scripture calls us to invite the body of Christ into our grief, because God uses his church as a conduit of his healing and hope.

The command to “weep with those who weep” comes right in the middle of Paul’s instructions about living as the body of Christ (Romans 12). If we are “those who weep,” others are called to weep with us, and we are called to allow them to do so, even invite them to do so. How does God work in this communal grief?

Dr. Gerry Sittser, who lost his wife, daughter, and mother in a car accident, wrote that he often felt numb after their deaths, unable to pray and sing in church. He said, “The church is a community. Sometimes some members of that community, even through time and space, carry others, because we do not have the capacity to function the same way. I remember very vividly my inability to sing and pray in the months and, really, years after the accident. I decided to let the church sing and pray for me, not only the church here and now but the church everywhere, and well, ‘everywhen.’”

As Sittser suggests, in the season following crisis and loss, we may find ourselves spiritually, physically, and emotionally incapacitated. By the power of the Holy Spirit, the church embodies Christ’s love, entering our grief, and bearing us along in our weakness. Here are just a few of the ways God might bring you healing and hope through his church:

When you are struggling with doubt, others will believe and hope for you, lifting you to the Lord with their prayers and encouragement.

When you are feeling discouraged, a friend will share a story of how God rescued in their lives or in Scripture, and you will gain courage for the journey.

When you can’t focus long enough to read Scripture or pray, someone will send you a verse or a prayer that gives you new courage.

When your tears seem to fall unceasingly, friends will weep with you and for you, reminding you that you are never alone in your grief.

Dear friend, it may feel risky to invite others to weep with you. But as you do, you will discover a powerful source of healing and hope.

Prayer

Lord,

Thank you for integrating us into the body you have created in Christ. Help us to trust others enough to invite them into our grief, and help them to enter it with your grace and love. In Jesus’ weeping name, Amen.

Further Encouragement

Read Romans 12; Hebrews 10:24-25; 1 Corinthians 13:7.

Listen to “Blest Be the Tie” by Sara Groves.

For Reflection

In what ways have people joined you in your grief? In what ways could you reach out to invite others into your grief?