Forgiveness: What You Have to Know to Do It
February isn’t just for Valentine’s….it’s for forgiveness…
In January, the blog focus was on using story to make goals and plans (stay tuned for the exciting new online story planning course if you want to do more with your plans!!).
It’s February, and we know what that means — L – O – V – E! But if you are an anti-Valentine’s Day party-goer-or-thrower, HOLD ON!!!
Because this month we’re going to immerse ourselves in THE source and essence of LOVE — GOD!
Forgiveness is critical to love…
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show us mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will trod our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:18-19
Really, who? Are we amazed by God’s forgiveness? Do we live in awe that…
- he does not stay angry forever?
- he delights to show mercy?
- he keeps having compassion on us and hurls our iniquities into the sea?
If you have ever dared to love, you have needed forgiveness. Share on XIf you have ever dared to love, you have needed forgiveness. We all fail to love sacrificially and steadfastly, every day. And others fail us. We need forgiveness, and we need to forgive.
How do we learn the language of love — forgiveness?
John says that God’s love compels our love. So we must ask, HOW?
I’m not going to pretend that one short blog post is going to solve your struggle with forgiveness. That happens as the gospel is massaged in to our hearts over time.
But I do have 3 specific suggestions for getting started.
- Take an Alaskan-view-look at God’s forgiving love. You know Alaskan-view-look? The kind of hole-mouthed, chin-raised, fixated-stare you proffer to massive mountains sliced by icy glaciers? We need to do this with God’s forgiveness.
- Scroll up and read Micah 7:18-19 aloud at least twice. Ask that question of God — “Who are YOU?” and spend some time marveling at this God. It’s truly a puzzling story.
- List at least 20 sins God has forgiven you*. (You’ll probably want to do this in a private place, right? Because I know there are things on my list that will always stay between God and me. The atrocities that make me look back and say, “I can’t believe I did that.” (Note the lack of humility in that statement:-). But I don’t need to tell you all of them — just God.) Now, go back to Micah 7:18-19 and repeat again, “Who are YOU, GOD?”
- Love your enemies and bless those who persecute you. Ouch. That’s impossible. Yes, and Jesus tells us to do it in Matthew 5:44. Paul offers entire paragraphs explaining love that include this admonition.
How do we forgive our enemies?
Forgiving your enemies is hard, and it’s a process, sometimes a very long one. Where there has been deep betrayal and/or abuse, it may be best to work through some of these with a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor.
That being said, we know that the gospel works in us to help us love our enemies and bless those who persecute us. Here are some actions you can take to “work out your faith with fear and trembling.”
- Write their names and the wrongs they have done to you. (In that private place). (Forgiveness is neither denial nor excusing sin).(You can tear it up or delete it after you’ve written it.)
- Write any ways you have repaid that person evil for evil or ways you’ve wanted to take revenge.
- Ask God to take your anger or resentment and transform it into longings for healing for that person, and if possible, your relationship. (Forgiveness does not require reconciliation with an unrepentant sinner who is continuing to harm).
- Pray for them. (Jesus said so). Write their names here, and ask God to renovate their hearts, to give them a gift, to show them a kindness. Beware: you might be part of God’s answer to that prayer:-)!!
- Be patient in hope.
- Start all over again and do it at least 490 times*, or until forgiveness sets in, whichever comes first:-). (Jesus told Peter to forgive 70 times 7 times. Most scholars believe he meant infinitely, but Margaret Feinberg playfully suggests that 490 times might be enough to change our hearts:-).
- Write down any changes in heart you see along the way.
Will you be finished forgiving that person when you’ve done all these things? Maybe. Maybe not. We cannot control how long forgiveness takes. We do know (at least) one thing. In Christ, God forgave us our debts; in Christ, we forgive our debtors. Our heart-renovation has begun; ministers of reconciliation we have become. Share on XOur heart-renovation has begun; ministers of reconciliation we have become.
Join me this month as we celebrate TRUE LOVE — God’s love. Subscribe to the blog so you won’t miss a single post — I promise not to stuff your inbox, and you will be the first to receive Living Story free resources!
*I owe this wonderfully challenging exercise as well as the idea of forgiving 490 times to Margaret Feinberg’s excellent chapter on Forgiveness in her workbook, Wonderstruck.